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Memories in the Mist

Posted on July 27, 2018July 28, 2018 by Kerri Elizabeth

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Everything becomes a memory, make your present worthy of it!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

As the mist rolls down my face
A memory embraced
Where unfiltered fun was at our finger tips
Where we raced grocery carts at night
Where trees had secrets
And dusk was not our weakness
Where coins held doors
And smiles never stopped
Where roadtrips held memories
That last for centuries
Where soul talks lasted hours
And notes where written on napkins
Where we defined spontaneous
In a constant mist of laughter

SUNSHINE

Sunshine for you!

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Posted in breathing, create, dancing, earth, ease into your pace, emotions, experiences, explore, exploring, feelings, forgiveness, freedom, gratitude, growing and changing, happiness, Healing, Heart Talks, hugs, kerrissunshine, Learning, life, love, love has no regrets, Nature, peaceful ease, photography, quotes, rawness, responses, reveal, scattered thoughts, Sign in to your soul, smile, soul, Soulfully, spiritual, spontaneous, Sunshine, tenacity, where are you, where do you go when you depart or do you, Zak Swift Tagged life, thoughts 3 Comments

My purpose never left, I did!

Posted on July 25, 2018January 29, 2023 by Kerri Elizabeth

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When you take time to embrace you and heal, you find out healing is a part of you, it’s the purest acceptance of love.

~Kerri Elizabeth~

 

OMGOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I have written this weekly addition 10 times  over the last few weeks and within a day it changes again. I don’t send it because as soon as I start writing it becomes a journal of words thrown up like confetti trying to find its place from space.

I woke up this morning and thought, OMGOSH I can’t think straight, I’m all over the board and have so much on my mind it’s like listening to 10 different languages competing for the lead roll.

So, the main eruption of craze, is my son’s one year passing coming July 30th.

I know what I’m doing in honor of him and its going to be epic. I’ll share with you after in photos and emotions that are crashing and rising like tides on a stormy sea.

The growth I have had in the last 6 months is due to the most unconditional love I have had around me. Two people (my Aunt Jeri and Uncle David aka AJ and UD) that believed I was worthy to be loved fully and complete with a space to heal and breathe. When I felt none of that, they some how held the knowing I would find my way, even when I wasn’t sure.

Trusting me to leap into my life again and find what moves me.

I could write a book on the impact these two have made on my life and the love I have learned and experienced through them. It holds a category all on its own.

I’ve taken a couple trips back to see my kids and gather my things and make arrangements to move to a new area, to start new, to leave behind my memories that haunt me and find my purpose again.

THEN THIS HAPPENED!!!!

What an interesting journey it has been, I have never learned so much in such a short time as I have in this last year. THE ONE most pivotal change for me, is one I cry my eyes out with, as I am working on finding words to express it, and hoping it will touch and change something for you too.

Losing my son is obviously the worst thing I have ever experienced but in that it is also the best thing I have ever experienced and as I say that, it holds so many emotions.

Hell no, losing him can never hold the “best thing”, do not mistake my words but listen to my heart.

He changed me!

My son did NOTHING in a small way, not one thing. When he left this earth he gave me something else equally important to this tragic experience. He guided me back to my purpose.

I thought I lost it and I have been digging deep for it. Writing, traveling, researching, talking, sharing, loving, letting go, you name it. What I found in searching my new purpose was that I was searching for something that was NEVER LOST.

I left my purpose and then cried about not having a purpose,WTF? 

How did I miss this one?

When I arrived where I am now in Feb. (the short story is in a previous weekly addition) I was so incomplete, sick, tired, unbelievably lost in every way shape and form.  I barely remember the details of how I got here, but it consisted of small things like, being left in the mountains of Utah followed by ultimatums that would later change my path drastically, snow storms alone hundreds of miles from home and courage beyond what I ever imagined I had.

It consisted of friends that love me and believe in me, friends that reminded me who I am, friends that leant me a hand and gave me unbelievable inspiring energy that lifted and showed me there is more.

It consisted of family and unconditional love, even when somedays they probably want to shake me out of it, but still give me a calmness of understanding to heal more than a moment in my life, but a lifetime.

I flew back to my children a couple weeks ago to stay a day and then get on the road for another adventure, to take photos and jump in lakes and do all the things I love so much.

But my life consists of rapid change and growth ALWAYS, I’ve surrendered to it, its what makes me, ME!

I ended up staying for a week and in that week I devoured time with my children, my grandchildren and friends and as I was there, life started to transform my purpose.

When my kids grew up I thought I lost my purpose, now what? Empty nest hit me like a ton of bricks, then Zak got sick, he needed me, that was purpose of course. Then he passed, all the kids are grown and everything I ever did I did because I was driven by my love for them.

After one year of Zak passing, crying, feeling ungrounded, (I’m still ungrounded somewhat, being completely honest) I’m finally feeling like I’m getting somewhere.

Something shifted this trip for me. My grandkids are growing so fast, our conversations where different, they wanted to ask questions that lead to more and more and more. I couldn’t get enough of it.

I wanted to answer every question and shared their facts with detail, they were authentically interested in the details of life, like how does a bee make honey?

Why do you live so far away?

Uncle Zak died Nina(thats me)…. ughhhh that one hit me like a ton of bricks.

I was experiencing memories left and right, where I raised my children, friends for life, stores I remember Zak parking his bike at the front door. I could hear his voice and see his face, hear his laughter, I passed our old houses where memories still run around the yard as if time stopped.

Then another jolt, a voice I know well, a history lesson of things I left behind, forgot somewhere and they were all surfacing as fast as I can say, WOW! I was back on my bike after a year, I was rowing 3000 meters daily and beat my time by almost 6 minutes within a weeks time. My kids were working out daily and asking me questions and asking me to watch their form and show them specifics.

My fire was being lit, I was needed, I was with my purpose.

IT NEVER LEFT, I DID!

Then a visit to Zak’s memorial space. A shift, another shift, I was shifting faster than a race car on a race track.

I was about to get on a plane and go home and I felt like I was leaving home at the same time I wanted to go home. Chaos took me over and when I got on the plane I wrote Zak. OH MY GOSHH I miss you more than words, or stars in the sky among the infinite missing that I know will never end, Zak I need you NOW.

WHAT NOW??????

Then it hit me!

My purpose never left, I DID!

Everything in me was fighting, I don’t want to go back, I don’t want to go back, the list of pros and cons where sparring for the championship.

Start over AGAIN?

Dear GOD I’m so tired of starting over, plant my feet and let me grow my roots again with purpose!

THATS IT, MY PURPOSE!

I was flying away from it and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

“I don’t want to live where my purpose is, WHAT the HELL Kerri Elizabeth????”

I can travel, I can go back and forth to my purpose, sure I can. I can build another purpose I told myself, their grown, shouldn’t I have another purpose by now? I mean, who’s to say they won’t move away? I don’t like the dark winters? Why do I need to live there all winter? Why am I limiting myself? Why am I stressing?

Its written in stone, my purpose is my children and grandchildren and loving others, being in love again and never giving any of that up.  I love, sharing my inspired heart that has been seasoned with sugar and spice to give more to others, that is my purpose.

I was searching myself for a new purpose and my purpose was still the same, it’s what I created from being me, its the extensions of me, the lives I birthed and the love I know how to share.

Zak brought in a voice that shocked me into position and blew me wide open.

I remember in surgery when I had my intestine removed in 2005( I think), I was under for 12 hours, not what they wanted or planned for but everything went wrong and they couldn’t get me out of anesthesia. The hospital had to call in a voice of my past to shock me back to life.

It worked!

Thats what happened again!

Stop searching, what your searching for has already found you and never left you.

Look to see where you went!

SUNSHINE

 

 

 

 

 

Sunshine for you!

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Posted in a shift, aligning and refining, arise, arrive, astonishment, Being a mom, Being loved unconditional, blue eyes, blue skys, breathing, bridges, capacity, change or grow, Choice, create, dancing, depart, don't waste your maximums, earth, ease into your pace, emotions, exercise, experiences, explore, exploring, feelings, Fitness, Food, forgiveness, freedom, GOD, gratitude, gravity, grieving, growing and changing, happiness, Healing, health, Healthy mind and body, Heart, Heart Talks, high vibration food, how do I heal, identity, infinite possibilities, intention, kerrissunshine, knock me down and get up again, Learning, Lessons, life, life and death, loneliness, loss of my child, love, maximum, meditating, memories, mind, Mother Earth, movement, movement matters, quotes, rawness, resistant, self help, shadow, Sign in to your soul, skincare, sky, smile, thinking, thunder, tiptoe through curiosity, transformation, travel, unconditional love, weekly addition, where are you Tagged life 15 Comments

Core Restored

Posted on July 20, 2018July 20, 2018 by Kerri Elizabeth

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In the core you will find the rhythm of restoration!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

Mingle into your core
Where life is restored
Where chaos tries to hide
And love thrives
Where confusion and alignment mingle
Where calmess and anxious tango
Where defeat speaks in the same space our hearts beat
What if you just danced with the rawness of that truth
What if trying to prove one of them didn’t exist
Meant accepting space to breathe
And both were able to converse with ease
And the shouting stopped

SUNSHINE

 

Sunshine for you!

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Posted in aligning and refining, arise, arrive, begin again, change or grow, Core, dancing, feelings, forgiveness, gratitude, Healing, health, Heart Talks, kerrissunshine, life, love, movement, movement matters, outdoors, photography, quotes, rawness, restoration, scattered thoughts, self help, Sign in to your soul, smile, thinking Tagged inspiration 2 Comments

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