Paved Direction

Direction is paved by a recipe that continues to create new and inspired editions!
-Kerri Elizabeth-

To be lost in a shadow of expectation

Beyond the raging sounds of grief and pain

To be driven in the people mover of life habits

Crashing into the silence with a broken halo

A melody starts to fuse into scars and cracks

Alive with desires

Inspired and rewired

Tears well from the depths

Eternity defines forever

Fall into love

Allow the might haves

Should haves

If only I could haves

To be rewritten into a grateful affirmative recipe

A philosophical delight

Love will pave and upgrade the recipe of your life

SUNSHINE

The recipe to our life has already been created. We try new things, we have relationships that work or don’t. We fall in love and we fall in pain, we rise in love and we rise out of pain.

One thing I have experienced is the beauty of surrender. Sometimes my feisty and fierce stance on something will get the best of me, it will teach me, throw curbs my way and ultimately it will show me my own reflection I must face.

It’s easy to blame to point a finger to let loose with frustration and to forget as you do that you are solely responsible for your own actions and words. No-one makes you say something but they can provoke a response that pokes a triggered emotional feeling that has been lodged and not set free.

This is our opportunity to surrender, to first show love, to be love and to create more love in the reaction and direction of our experience.

This does not mean we must cater or supply our love to someone without good intention. This is where Gods love is infinity provided, this is where tapping into the infinite source of love is critical, where there is turmoil there is still a flow of love that over rides and heals.

It is our responsibility and choice to be open to this love and allow our lives to be a conduit not a store room with limited capacity, to share the love energy carries.

Taste a rainbow, dance in the rain, jump up to the moon and believe that all pain has a place where love flows over, through and into the cracks and crevices of experiences.

Behind the Door

It is behind the closed door we hold more, where you must go to grow!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

Behind every door
Infused within a universe
Daring to overcome
Darkness and light sword fight
Equilibrium emerges,” I exist ”
Whispering quietly , “persevere”
Shed every tear, happiness and fear
Untangle the emotional trance
Dance
Perhaps destiny is in your hands
Possibility says
Its perfectly planned

Sunshine
Feel it to heal it!

 

It is behind our closed doors we must go to grow. In order to heal you must open the doors to the pain and rearrange the perception to change. Letting go and allowing awareness in, behind the closed doors is where healing begins.

It is the masks worn to cover our authentic selves that we must rip off, the doors unhinged and flown off, the core must be strengthened, held up, encouraged, unashamed and untamed , risk must enter in growth.

Some will approve, some will judge, some will leave you , some will love you, some will share and some will dare you, challenge you and arrive for you, and you will do the same to and for them.

Ultimately it is in the courage to reveal and unmask and be YOU that reveals  each other…

When you are in the space of an others growth cycle, you will grow too or you will stay behind the closed doors waiting, instead of arriving together.

Where there is more than one, as training in any sport, you encourage one another to arrive at the finish line even when its at different points. As long as your all training, you all will arrive.

When you close your inner doors, when your stubborn and proud of that trait you will not arrive at the same finish line or gate. It is up to the team you choose to enter into the starting gate, to train and get to the finish line together, to encourage, to share, the enlighten to be aware, to connect, to reflect, to agree, to disagree, to hurt, to laugh, to cry to deny, to learn, to grow, to continue to move and not let go of the reasons why you want your team to win.

Thank you to my Oldest daughter Brandee today for her love and sharing her own lessons in life and for inspiring  the continuation of this lesson inside of me.

SUNSHINE

 

Drizzled Color


Grow forth from your roots and reach for the stars, nothing in-between can  tatter or scar the core of who you are!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

 

Bloom into the love you were meant for
Open and color will drizzle a painting upon your heart
Petals one by one come alive in the sun
Grounded and synced with earths love
Grow and reach from the soil to the stars
Extensions of leaves will balance beliefs
Roots will hold you tight
Cheering as you take flight
The sky is within reach
Stretch to the sun 🌞

 

SUNSHINE

I learned this last few years , grounded does not mean where you live, who your with or why your there. To me it showed me grounded meant the willingness to connect. Connection to the core and roots of who I am, grounded means to listen to your heart, your soul, your body when it says it hurts or its cold, feels unloved or needs to be held. Connection to what you feel, the emotion that rushes through you and says,” I want attention, I need you, I want to love you and be here for you”, will you listen?

Grounded means the ability to connect to your core truths, hear your intuitions and follow them, leave doubt behind and follow the heart , the pain, the migraine, the body pains, what is it telling you?

It is there FOR YOU, it’s your own private novel of truths about how YOU as an individual work. It is your manual everyone says they wish they had. YOU DO, ITS YOU!

Tease Movement

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Align with the breeze, fill your lungs and release, repeat and sway with the trees, tease movement and flow with ease.

~Kerri Elizabeth~

 

Sunshine through the trees

Pine needles aroma catching a ride in the breeze

Birds sing a melody syncing with the sway of the trees

Nature’s movements erupt in excitement creating sound

Water trickling with rhythm all around

Branches crackling with hints of Fall found

The grass is rigid from the suns rays

Coolness of the air filtering cells and clearing all that dwells

Blue skies above gift you wonder of the stories it tells

No limits in the sky

The universe knows every why

A release into a peaceful purity

A sigh

Nothing interfering

Sunshine

 

Infinite Light

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A covering of truths is a silence of scarred fears and an unwillingness to adjust and move!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

In the random coverings of our deepest truths

Under layers of emotions, doubts and un-still fears

The covering floats, moves, and allows us the process to adjust

Temporary rest requires a respectful gathering of truths

A clearing of what no longer serves you and thickens the plot of emotional chaos

Adjust your movements to free space in the gallery of your anatomy

Movement and adjustment opens truth

It is not under the cover you take off in flight

It is in the respectful process under cover

You move into the infinite possibilities of light

SUNSHINE

Everything Changes

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What you see is the foundation of the thoughts that will follow, now close your eyes after you’ve seen and feel your heart change everything.

~Kerri Elizabeth~

The depth of our thoughts often start from a scene

Until you close your eyes and feel the scene

This changes everything

Open to create changes in the scene

Allow the fleeing of thoughts to unwind

Your heart to run the motion picture inside

You are the observer and the critic of the production on your own screen

You can change anything

SUNSHINE

 

 

Change or Grow…. part 2

In every space the purpose is the present, be fully in it!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

Hello to you all and thank you ahead of time for reading my soul writing and I hope in someway it will inspire you.

If you are struggling with something from the present or past, a relationship, work, family, finances, loss or loneliness, anger or frustration among other emotions that fester before healed, may this shine light on at least one of these and it be healed and forgiven because it can.

Part 2 of a long journey……………

Deep in the woods of Utah, above the hot sun line where snow still laid on the ground and ice blanketed the windows in my car at night. It was early Feb. toward the end of a 40 day journey on the road through 5 states, that shifted me in ways I wasn’t prepared for but completely open for.

I knew my life was going to change the minute I decided to hit the road and leave all I knew to Mother nature’s grand healing, hugs and invitation to be open to the elements of surprise.

Zak (my son)told me to leave two months before and I resisted for reasons that were less important than healing the loss of my child. The grief was setting in deep, loss, loneliness and a depression I have never experienced (I had zero tendencies to depression and always had a smile, UNTIL….my child died).

This was an eye opener as to what a trauma of 5 constant years of watching your child suffer and not being able to find an answer and then watching him pass while holding one hand, his wife another and my youngest daughter holding his head as comfortable as she could. He literally was suffocating and struggling to breathe on his way out. Horrifying to experience.

He didn’t want to miss a moment and be so medicated and on hospice he didn’t feel life.

He felt life to the last breathe in the most painful ways, but he felt it, he didn’t resist it, he wanted life more than death and used all he was given.

This isn’t going to sound like SUNSHINE right off the bat, but please stick with me, it’s all an adventure through darkness with a light that never dies.

This is the partial story that sent me packing. Move, do something big, drastic and different or stay in the story of trauma and agony. I chose MORE! Zak was not my only struggle to get through. I was also years into a relationship that offered more lessons to me than any relationship has ever gifted me in my entire life. I won’t talk about this part for now and never in depth because it’s one side and I know, I truly and fully loved, thats all that matters here.

I can tell you this, it was one of those relationships that challenge who you are to your very core, that hold your highest highs and deepest lows.

I chose my life and who I spent it with, we don’t get to choose our consequences most often though, but we do have the opportunity to choose our actions and how we show up for our consequences.

Consequences usually include an action that is tied to or involves others lives and ideas, hence not having control over the entire picture.

We can’t change others, only ourselves, however, so often we enable others by trying to heal wounds that aren’t ours, or compare and demand fairness, whatever that is for you, and we end up enabling ourselves and missing our own lessons completely.

This part of the journey is about my own lessons and what I have been so fortunate to learn, I have no control over anything else.

I woke this particular morning knowing this day would be a different day, I had spent the entire trip writing about what I wanted in my life, how I wanted to show up for myself and what that would take for me. I honestly couldn’t make sense of much else, other than making sure I ate right and monitored my well being on the day I left, Dec. 30th.

I just knew my life was different and was about to change even more.

It had to be different and putting it into words as I write even still is difficult. I feel it all so deep, no words seem to explain it at the depth I feel it.

It was a freezing cold morning in my Buick Encore, a thought out organized cozy space inside with all I needed to travel, sleep and be comfortable wherever I was and feel safe and secure inside when I chose any off the beaten path areas. This particular space was definitely off the beaten path, in a secret off the grid magical space filled with wonder, like a fairytale. It felt surreal to me, and honestly at this point everything was surreal and not just in beautiful ways.

My kitten Angel was always with me, she went everywhere with me since she was 6 weeks old, so she loved traveling and exploring anywhere and everywhere.

The night before, Zak clearly told me as I was locked in my car, to just be calm and get my computer out. Mind you I had been off the grid and off electricity for some time now and the chances of my computer working was zero, it was cold, draining every battery I had and I hadn’t charged it in weeks. I didn’t even have a charged phone or service where I was. Zak persisted with me to open it, so I did. Sure enough when I opened it, music started playing, music I didn’t even know was on my computer and it was music I wasn’t familiar with, but it all had a purpose and a reason for me at that moment.

I listened for two solid hours and Zak told me to start writing what I was feeling.

I couldn’t write fast enough, it was flowing like lava through my fingers onto the keyboard. It was dark outside and it was cold and I was snuggled in tight with Angel in gratitude for the anxious knowing my life was about to change drastically.

I fell asleep finally, hours after the music and the writing and the constant appreciation that was pouring out of me for whatever was next.

I hit my wall of tolerance to stand in darkness any longer, I wasn’t going down depressed and I wasn’t going down as a victim to anyone, including myself.

I had control of what I wanted in my life going forward and the lighthouse was beaming non stop with light beams that ONLY pointed in the direction I was to trust without question. That included using my voice again with power and strength and trust whatever came out was exactly what was meant to.

I woke up with a new outlook, Zak had my back, he played music for 2 hours teaching me, empowering me, filling me with zest for life again, telling me it was all going to be ok, he had my back.

No matter what happened at this point I had a powerful extension of me working from another dimension. I trusted 100% Zak had it all planned and the consequences were going to be rough but they were going to be worth every second of the pain, agony, defeat, darkness, crawling and shattered torn feeling I was about to experience.

I had no idea that the consequences to my voice would be to experience the rest of the adventure alone in the mountains of Utah off the grid with no phone service suddenly, and that I would literally be in the hands of Mother Nature and God and trusting all I had manifested and opened my heart to was going to tear every wound I ever had wide open.

ZAK APPEARS IN A PHYSICAL FORM …. NEXT…. stay tuned….. this has been hard to put in writing, I originally wanted to have it to you every week, but more patience is required of myself and I am honoring it. I have to write it in parts and make sure I am grounded, in my healing, meditating and being diligent with my life going forward…..

I can tell you this much more before the next part… I am divinely placed to radically share my light to the world and I will NEVER STOP!

SUNSHINE

Change or Grow / Part 1 of 3 parts

You are the extension of energy that remains and never dies, it is never lost and never achieved, you are the gift everyday I receive!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

This will be a journey to follow the next couple weekly additions…………… Sit back, grab a cup of tea and be present with me……………………..

How is everyone doing? Summer is officially here where I live and I love it. Sunshine is where I thrive most. It charges me up in every way, it’s when I am the most inspired and the most energized.

I love to adventure not just the world but my heart, what is it telling me, what does it need to grow more?

How am I serving it in the best way possible?

To adventure your heart is to adventure life, all you know is what’s there. Take another step past there and bare your curiosity and tenacity to share.

Have you ever thought about where there is for you and if you’re interested in more?

I have been stretching myself in many areas I was resistant about before, listening to what my heart says, when I am in a busy place, what does it tell me when I feel panicked, unsafe, unclear, determined, joyful and all emotions and feelings that run through me?

How is my heart interpreting that emotion or feeling? I ask my mind to support my hearts calling. To help guide me in the most efficient and healthy way possible.

I used to completely resist things that life eventually forced me into. In a grateful way I know my heart over ruled my head and gifted me the opportunity to grow beyond what I know.

Watching and experiencing someone you love suffer, either grows you or overcomes you.

This was not the life I had explored and was optimally prepared for, why would I ever prepare for tragedy to traumatize my life? Life can instantly change, and what I learned is this, it’s you ultimately that decides if you will breathe, stress, give up, give in or let go or allow the emotional holds.

An emotional hold comes from a memory, a scar, a moment in time we feel we can’t change, we dwell and deepen the caverns that pain entered by living there in memory, as if we are shackled to the walls of the trauma. Our systems are changed, our wiring re-arranged, our hearts struggle and our minds shut down, a sort of short curcuiting burns what we used to know and rebuilding is often slow. For some the shackles rust and close and darkness becomes a place where you live and windows don’t exist.

I don’t know why? Each person has the ability to fly, we all have something inside that is divine, however when the darkness is where you hide, light can not enter to find that place so divine. This is a believing your more, something other than the darkness or the light to explore, an energy field that was placed to move anything and everything you choose.

Before Zakary’s body died, I already believed he would still survive, this never waivers. Whether his body is here or not I know he is still alive. I was blessed with a lighthouse inside, I don’t know why, I just know I have it. I can see the light when darkness closes in, my lighthouse shows me the way, its always working, its always leading, its always believing, it’s set, it’s on auto, it’s me, it’s the divine light I choose to be.

Zakary had it too and so do all of my children. It’s not different than everyone else, it is your truth.

Without owning judgements or opinions, traumas and others decisions, without a stereotype, a list of what I may or might, should or shouldn’t, could or couldn’t, without a question or waiver, the light is divinely given and yours to receive. You don’t stand in line waiting to buy it, or need to wait your turn, it is yours to discern, to own, to accept, to rely, to believe, to embrace, to know, to rejoice, to grow.

The lighthouse is not your ticket out of messes or challenges, it is not the ticket to glory or the easy way. It is simply your base, your place to rest, to embrace and know when you stand in your TRUTH, that is the lighthouse that radiates light beyond the darkness you hide your truth.

I want to tell you about a moment in my life where beyond trauma and beyond pain, the lighthouse still remained.

After losing Zakary in the physical form and spending years before working so hard on knowing myself enough to let go of myself, which still takes constant work, this isn’t natural my any means yet. It’s still a foundation I build on daily.

What does it mean to know yourself and let go of yourself?

Stop trying to be more than you are right now, be who you are NOW, being present in this place is where you can let go, so energy flows and change occurs and now is never missed. When I learned this, I was able to receive a divine connection with Zak and energy started to flow so differently.

Until I accepted who I was now and quit living in when, where, how, should, shouldn’t and somehow, that blessed resistance that keeps us out of now and into later, when and if. You know, the place we question and persist into because the moment is uncomfortable and we want more NOW. The place you try to live in another’s expectation of space, time and success.

Listen to that!

I listened to the aching and crying , the deepest pain and agony of my life, my son suffering. I never wanted to accept he could die, I could not grasp that at all. I just wanted so bad to let go of the pain and be present in knowing every feeling and connecting with Zak so that I would never miss a moment in the now because I was so scared of never finding somehow.

The part of me believing he would live and the determination of a mother to fight for her child’s life with all her might was mighty and present. However, there was also another part I fought with (the darkness), what if I couldn’t find the cure, what if he left resenting me for being his mom, because I couldn’t fix it?

OMG, I can tell you there was not an emotion I didn’t feel. Somehow the depth of me was dug out with a bulldozer and filled with fear, desperation, shame, guilt, how the hell would I make it through losing a child, what did I do or not do, would I die too, would I stop breathing and my other children experience the loss of a brother and a mom?

How could I stop this downhill slide and more importantly how could I hide it from anyone, let alone my kids, that didn’t benefit from their mom losing her ground, her mind and her peace and support for them?

The lighthouse never turned off, despite the dark caverns and storms, lightening, earthquakes and tsunamis of the inner self.

Finally ,we knew, we surrendered to what our fears had to show us. It was a rocky road, face plants, arguments, space invasion, fear we drew near, loss of ourselves, a separation from now into an adrenaline rushing pain you don’t escape. You have to face it or die without ever embracing what it has to show you.

Through this we gained a silent connection that spoke louder than any words could ever come close to.

I could cry my eyes out miles away and Zak would text me and say, “mom are you ok?” I could ask a question in my mind and Zak would text me and say,”mom I can hear you.” This is just a couple of the many times we had this type of thing happen. We had many talks about the connection and our ability to hear one another even when we weren’t right by each other.

I wanted so bad to know that I would never lose this connection, whether he stayed or if he left. It became our gift to one another, a knowing and allowing to give and receive love beyond what the human body could comprehend.

He is my connection, he is my child, my extension of love, how could we not have it. Instead of surrendering into my own truth, I realized I had surrendered into the fear of religion that all of this happening wasn’t possible. That somehow there was a separation between God and all that has been created and words defined and expressed what my heart never could accept.

MY HEART KNEW MORE!

This changed everything, our worlds opened, there was no longer 4 walls dictating our destiny, our purpose, our truth. This is where years of religion and dogma disappeared, where the shackles of judgments and opinion and fear instilled into our bones was shifted.

Divine love, infinite possibilities became the path less traveled. God did not limit us to a book or a word, a feeling or a demand. God does not make us suffer or ridicule and judge us. God does not instill fear into us. God is LOVE. God is not looking down at you pointing in direct discipline and directing disease and traumas at you because you deserve it. God created us all and gave us choice, a collective participating ability to work together or not.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Example: You can raise your kids as perfect as you believe and they can still go a completely different direction. This is not God making it happen, this is Gods creation of energy flow and motion, action and reaction.

Its given as your gift to accept or resist, either choice is movement, grow or change, be present or die resisting.

You were not created with so much more than you know on accident, life is a collective responsibility and an energetic connection between us all that is not separated and is experienced through every single persons reaction and action collectively. Like it or not we are connected and what we each do affects our collective space.

When you decide to arrive in the NOW you will feel the divine connection to flow more freely into each now more and more presently, this is where you grow.

To be Continued………………………… Zak arrived AGAIN in the mountains of Utah in the biggest, no mistaking present way, where I was off the grid, no service and vulnerable to the elements of emotion and mother nature’s decisions, 16 degrees at night and ice on the inside of my car among a few other elements that make this ride one forcing me into the presence of my deepest truths.

A traumatic moment in time occurred and Zak showed up and shifted a trauma into my greatest opportunity for growth…………………………….

Part 2 …. Zak is very much alive!

SUNSHINE

Quote a note #2

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Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.

~Steve Jobs~

3-day quote challenge

First, let me explain the rules:

Thank the person who nominated you.

Post a quote for 3 days and explain why it appeals to you.

Nominate 3 new bloggers each day

Thank you so much https://pascaleshealingjourney.wordpress.com/

Most of my quotes I write myself with a few favorites intermingled in when I feel it. Today I’ll share my favorite of all time with my reason and a photo and link of my son Zak 24 years young, who left this earth July 30, 2017. Way sooner than my heart is capable of understanding fully.

This quote has been on just about everything I’ve ever done. It holds so much depth for me and now it holds even more. Zak was so innovative, he was far beyond the times of today, he knew more than the average human and I always thought he had super powers and now I know he did.

He never let the noise of others drown out his dreams and his goals. He got his first recording deal when he was battling his first round of Leukemia in the hospital. He never stopped even in his bed when he could barely move or sing. He was a blonde, blue-eyed rapper and lived to HIS own beat and he started at about 6. He knew then (because he had superpowers) his time here was limited so he made a quick impact.

He went to Seattle Art Institute for production and wrote tons of songs others use and tons of songs he used, he wasn’t here to impact the faint of heart. He was here to let you know he had something to say and wake up the world, there is more going on than you see.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKCRtr6XizI

He never let anyone tell him he couldn’t, it was something I taught the kids young, you say can’t in my presence and that meant push-ups or an essay as to why you think that and how you can change that thought to something more productive or positive.

He always followed his heart and he shared his deepest hurts and truths of the world through his heart and intuition. He felt and saw darkness as deep as he felt and saw the light. He intermingled in both at times in his life as if to create a joining of forces.

He was not afraid to share the reality of life how he saw it and he wasn’t afraid to walk into the darkness and see why people were there. He was the light no darkness could touch, I asked him once, “are you ever scared?” He said,”HELL YA mom I’m scared but that won’t keep me down.” He was internally curious and that is a priceless gift.

BONUS QUOTE: Stand in your truth, don’t back down in pressure but experience the steam, it seldom lasts, but your light will carry on.

~Kerri Elizabeth~

3 new nominations:

https://kelleysdiy.com/

http://iscriblr.com/

https://indishe.wordpress.com/