In the creation of reflection is where the deepest love exhists!
Photography of the heart prompts reaction
Moments can change the vision of your natural inner lens
Lines are blurred and details create unfamiliar shadows
Simplicity becomes a necessary partner
Priority naturally carries even weight without attached motive
It is the motive we assign that becomes our priority design
Motive to remain is an insanity game
Motive to change builds strength in our frame
Motive to love is where priority leans into the creation of reflection
I have been in constant change for most of my life, some of it my choice, some of it creations prompt for me to make choice.
Learning what priority means and that it can carry weight without motive and take you up or down depending on what you attach as motive has been nothing less than enlightening.
There are times it can feel like the easiest things to reach to are the hardest things that have created the most insanity. Growth is attached to the motive we put on priority. Priority has no rules without our input, it weighs which ever direction we step and leans in to create a design.
When love is the motive, it is attached to priority and creation of reflection is where our strength is refined.
The pace inside is based on our own courage to surrender the entangled knots inside to the stillness that knows no time or restraints!
Demands its authority
Appearing through emotions
Tears overflow integrated and entangled
Happiness, sadness and surrender have no separation
Inevitable movement continues
“Stop please”, I ask, “just for a moment”
“Slow down, I dont want to miss a second”
The ocean responds, ” I am ”
There are times inside the chaos and the history of trauma and our pasts get so knotted up inside we can not feel the stillness, there is a lack of movement and oxygen.
When I get to this place I always realize I am holding my breathe, not trusting and worrying about things I can not control. Then a dilemma, when I decide and realize what I can change, often it’s not what I want to change.
This brings anxiety and it all starts to overflow and tears come like a dam that just broke. It is inevitable, emotions will move, our lives move, our bodies move, our lungs take in and let out air, movement. Our hearts beat, our blood moves, our world continues and the pace inside must find a way to courageously let go and flow with peace and stillness.
Stillness is not without movement. This is a term set out to teach one to stop and feel what is moving without additional purposeful movement, such as the heart and lungs, and our blood flowing.
Meditation and body position invite courage to surrender giving room for oxygen to change the chemistry of the emotion and anxiety to freedom.
This is a lifestyle not a quick fix…
Where pillars of strength are grounded the framework will last!
The construction of our lives is altered by experience
Experience is altered by fear
Fear is altered by courage
Courage is altered by belief
Belief is altered by choice
Choice is altered by change
Change is constant
Bridges are built and torn down
New ones are reconstructed by the history found
Complexity will show up as a blueprint defining you and your direction, truth will show up and unravel complexity!
Truth escapes complexity
Uncovered, unmasked and unhidden
Meaningfulness demands authority
Consolidate emotions and thoughts deliberatly
Undefined by rejection, opinion or judgement
Truth and complexity will rival for mindset
Arrival and appearance are never delayed
Truth escapes complexity
When love has unconditional longevity
One of many lessons that have impacted how I see, feel and live my life. Love must have unconditional longevity to escape complexity. Where there are boundaries , conditions live, rejection and judgement reside and live inside.
Having the rules and boundaries defined and written for your family, career or marriage certificate does not exempt your life from complexity. It is the lack of courage to live in our deepest truths and thoughts, afraid we will be rejected, abandoned or fired that create so many rules we leave no room for growth.
I have heard it all, rules are meant to keep you on track, to add order, stability, protection and define a life you can follow like a dot to dot. Don’t go outside the lines or consequences and punishments will be handed out. Sure we learn from this, sure I believe we need it all to learn. However, the consequence resides already inside, the punishment goes hand in hand with the action.
It is in the awareness in the process of making your own mistakes and having an opportunity to grow naturally rather than forcefully and loved unconditionally that gives us inspiration to continue to grow.
It is not in the order or rules, boundaries and confines of ourselves or others ideas engineered in a dot to dot lifestyle that interest me.
It is in the awakening of our own consciousness and deliberate willingness to brave the elements and hear beyond it all that interests me.
The rest is a road map or a blueprint leading us all to the same place. Some of us are leaders and others followers, some manifest and some facilitate, some cry, some laugh, some process then react, some react then process, some support you and some will will transport you…..Some follow rules, some break rules, all have a purpose and all present change and all offer knowledge.
Do you believe in unconditional?
Do you think you live and love unconditional?
What are your thoughts on this?
Emotions are not road blocks, they are the hardware of your internal compass guiding you to success, malfunctioning happens in the chaos before entering presence.
Your my wind
The sun I see
Waterfalls in front of me
Your the rumble of the earths call
Your in nature centering it all
Your the waves in the ocean
Your my heart beating
Your the footprints I see before me
I saw you fly by
Leaving me a jet-stream in the sky
Your in the crickets singing lullabies
I hear you whisper, “Momma don’t cry
Look at me, wild and free
Success momma, is a place, you’ll see
Your set free to be
No separation from the land and sea
I’m with you MY MOMMA eternally”
As some of you know and others will hear along the way, my son passed on to his new place on July 30, 2017. There is never a day I don’t talk about him and never a day I won’t. Some people don’t know what to say, others don’t know how to hear the joy in the tears when I share. So silence has been my healing space, a place where Zak meets me face to face.
Silence gives room for emotions without the interference of chaos.
The capacity to understand is beyond me, I simply ride the wave and learn as I go. Emotions take over most of the time. I used to think I had to learn to control the emotions. In my meditation and silence I agonized in thought I had to accept(which I haven’t and as of now, it not on my list of somehow) that my son is gone. Because to me what works, is believing in the signs he’s here, it’s different that’s clear. However that’s my reality and the way the movie of emotions play in the silence inspired by every wave.
Accepting another way wasn’t working for me, instead I gave in, surrendering to the silence within, visualizing emotion in space, allowing it to be, as if it was a movie in front of me telling me a story, it showed me something profound.
Its your movie, its your story, let it play, let it make sounds, let it guide your way. Surrender to the silence where the movie can play without interference of the chaos in the day. This is where the chaos stops playing and emotions can be set free to find their way successfully.
It is up to you to allow emotions to have wings, they need room to fly, to experience and thrive, they can’t grow or go if they are trapped in the chaos of our minds.
Silence is stillness within, it doesn’t have to be without movement or a physical paralysis, it is within, a decision to let go of the wings you tie down on each emotion found. Let them fly in the sky, let them be free to be, to find there flight path succefully.
Awareness and conscious exploration travels within, it is a courageous choice to tap in!
Uncharted territory sends invitations
Accept or decline
Conscious exploration is divine
Lessons will be designed and refined
Accepted or declined
Arrival on the other side offers new views and insights
Accept or decline the offer to explore each trip another time
Accepting to move through the exploration with conscious courage
Choice arrives every time
Chart the journey to the view on the other side
Decline exploration without consciousness
Define the experience
Travel safely and courageouly exploring the view
Uncharted territory invites you
Awareness is available
Accept or decline
I realize as I have explored my inner self, my conscious behaviors and unconscious habits that awareness is always ready and available to be tapped into when you first accept and not decline that you truly have the power to be one with the divine.
This is not something you have to search for, it is an acceptance then a walk forward into uncharted territory to allow the new view to create a new perspective. Walk with the awareness you are brave and you are able, you are worthy and you are strong. It is only in our vulnerability and our willingness to allow and accept less from ourselves, that we never see the full frame view.
Let all negative belief be challenged to grow-up and grow into positive perspectives and let the judgements and expectations pour out into transformation. These emotions of negativity that hold you back can rarely be erased, they must be challenged, journeyed and refined, edges must be sanded down and you will find the diamond you are inside.
EXPLORE and FEEL!
To fully experience life as a journey you must first embrace change.
Adventure through the memories of your heart
Reflections of paths crossing
Pushing and pulling
Have you arrived
Or has the journey just begun
Indents in the sand
Ruffled feathers before you land
It’s in the flight your soul soars
It’s in the landing
You look up for more
When you take time to embrace you and heal, you find out healing is a part of you, it’s the purest acceptance of love.
OMGOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I have written this weekly addition 10 times over the last few weeks and within a day it changes again. I don’t send it because as soon as I start writing it becomes a journal of words thrown up like confetti trying to find its place from space.
I woke up this morning and thought, OMGOSH I can’t think straight, I’m all over the board and have so much on my mind it’s like listening to 10 different languages competing for the lead roll.
So, the main eruption of craze, is my son’s one year passing coming July 30th.
I know what I’m doing in honor of him and its going to be epic. I’ll share with you after in photos and emotions that are crashing and rising like tides on a stormy sea.
The growth I have had in the last 6 months is due to the most unconditional love I have had around me. Two people (my Aunt Jeri and Uncle David aka AJ and UD) that believed I was worthy to be loved fully and complete with a space to heal and breathe. When I felt none of that, they some how held the knowing I would find my way, even when I wasn’t sure.
Trusting me to leap into my life again and find what moves me.
I could write a book on the impact these two have made on my life and the love I have learned and experienced through them. It holds a category all on its own.
I’ve taken a couple trips back to see my kids and gather my things and make arrangements to move to a new area, to start new, to leave behind my memories that haunt me and find my purpose again.
THEN THIS HAPPENED!!!!
What an interesting journey it has been, I have never learned so much in such a short time as I have in this last year. THE ONE most pivotal change for me, is one I cry my eyes out with, as I am working on finding words to express it, and hoping it will touch and change something for you too.
Losing my son is obviously the worst thing I have ever experienced but in that it is also the best thing I have ever experienced and as I say that, it holds so many emotions.
Hell no, losing him can never hold the “best thing”, do not mistake my words but listen to my heart.
He changed me!
My son did NOTHING in a small way, not one thing. When he left this earth he gave me something else equally important to this tragic experience. He guided me back to my purpose.
I thought I lost it and I have been digging deep for it. Writing, traveling, researching, talking, sharing, loving, letting go, you name it. What I found in searching my new purpose was that I was searching for something that was NEVER LOST.
I left my purpose and then cried about not having a purpose,WTF?
How did I miss this one?
When I arrived where I am now in Feb. (the short story is in a previous weekly addition) I was so incomplete, sick, tired, unbelievably lost in every way shape and form. I barely remember the details of how I got here, but it consisted of small things like, being left in the mountains of Utah followed by ultimatums that would later change my path drastically, snow storms alone hundreds of miles from home and courage beyond what I ever imagined I had.
It consisted of friends that love me and believe in me, friends that reminded me who I am, friends that leant me a hand and gave me unbelievable inspiring energy that lifted and showed me there is more.
It consisted of family and unconditional love, even when somedays they probably want to shake me out of it, but still give me a calmness of understanding to heal more than a moment in my life, but a lifetime.
I flew back to my children a couple weeks ago to stay a day and then get on the road for another adventure, to take photos and jump in lakes and do all the things I love so much.
But my life consists of rapid change and growth ALWAYS, I’ve surrendered to it, its what makes me, ME!
I ended up staying for a week and in that week I devoured time with my children, my grandchildren and friends and as I was there, life started to transform my purpose.
When my kids grew up I thought I lost my purpose, now what? Empty nest hit me like a ton of bricks, then Zak got sick, he needed me, that was purpose of course. Then he passed, all the kids are grown and everything I ever did I did because I was driven by my love for them.
After one year of Zak passing, crying, feeling ungrounded, (I’m still ungrounded somewhat, being completely honest) I’m finally feeling like I’m getting somewhere.
Something shifted this trip for me. My grandkids are growing so fast, our conversations where different, they wanted to ask questions that lead to more and more and more. I couldn’t get enough of it.
I wanted to answer every question and shared their facts with detail, they were authentically interested in the details of life, like how does a bee make honey?
Why do you live so far away?
Uncle Zak died Nina(thats me)…. ughhhh that one hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was experiencing memories left and right, where I raised my children, friends for life, stores I remember Zak parking his bike at the front door. I could hear his voice and see his face, hear his laughter, I passed our old houses where memories still run around the yard as if time stopped.
Then another jolt, a voice I know well, a history lesson of things I left behind, forgot somewhere and they were all surfacing as fast as I can say, WOW! I was back on my bike after a year, I was rowing 3000 meters daily and beat my time by almost 6 minutes within a weeks time. My kids were working out daily and asking me questions and asking me to watch their form and show them specifics.
My fire was being lit, I was needed, I was with my purpose.
IT NEVER LEFT, I DID!
Then a visit to Zak’s memorial space. A shift, another shift, I was shifting faster than a race car on a race track.
I was about to get on a plane and go home and I felt like I was leaving home at the same time I wanted to go home. Chaos took me over and when I got on the plane I wrote Zak. OH MY GOSHH I miss you more than words, or stars in the sky among the infinite missing that I know will never end, Zak I need you NOW.
Then it hit me!
My purpose never left, I DID!
Everything in me was fighting, I don’t want to go back, I don’t want to go back, the list of pros and cons where sparring for the championship.
Start over AGAIN?
Dear GOD I’m so tired of starting over, plant my feet and let me grow my roots again with purpose!
THATS IT, MY PURPOSE!
I was flying away from it and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
“I don’t want to live where my purpose is, WHAT the HELL Kerri Elizabeth????”
I can travel, I can go back and forth to my purpose, sure I can. I can build another purpose I told myself, their grown, shouldn’t I have another purpose by now? I mean, who’s to say they won’t move away? I don’t like the dark winters? Why do I need to live there all winter? Why am I limiting myself? Why am I stressing?
Its written in stone, my purpose is my children and grandchildren and loving others, being in love again and never giving any of that up. I love, sharing my inspired heart that has been seasoned with sugar and spice to give more to others, that is my purpose.
I was searching myself for a new purpose and my purpose was still the same, it’s what I created from being me, its the extensions of me, the lives I birthed and the love I know how to share.
Zak brought in a voice that shocked me into position and blew me wide open.
I remember in surgery when I had my intestine removed in 2005( I think), I was under for 12 hours, not what they wanted or planned for but everything went wrong and they couldn’t get me out of anesthesia. The hospital had to call in a voice of my past to shock me back to life.
Thats what happened again!
Stop searching, what your searching for has already found you and never left you.
Look to see where you went!