Refinement Through Exploration

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Awareness and conscious exploration travels within, it is a courageous choice to tap in!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

 

Uncharted territory sends invitations

Accept or decline

Conscious exploration is divine

Lessons will be designed and refined

Accepted or declined

Arrival on the other side offers new views and insights

Accept or decline the offer to explore each trip another time

Accepting to move through the exploration with conscious courage

Choice arrives every time

Chart the journey to the view on the other side

Decline exploration without consciousness

Define the experience

Refine knowledge

Travel safely and courageouly exploring the view

Uncharted territory invites you

Awareness is available

Accept or decline

Sunshine

 

I realize as I have explored my inner self, my conscious behaviors and unconscious habits that awareness is always ready and available to be tapped into when you first accept and not decline that you truly have the power to be one with the divine.

This is not something you have to search for, it is an acceptance then a walk forward into uncharted territory to allow the new view to create a new perspective. Walk with the awareness you are brave and you are able, you are worthy and you are strong. It is only in our vulnerability and our willingness to allow and accept less from ourselves, that we never see the full frame view.

Let all negative belief be challenged to grow-up and grow into positive perspectives and let the judgements and expectations pour out into transformation. These emotions of negativity that hold you back can rarely be erased, they must be challenged, journeyed and refined, edges must be sanded down and you will find the diamond you are inside.

EXPLORE and FEEL!

 

 

 

 

It was written in a note

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There will be breakdowns that lead to breakthroughs that build your character, embrace them all.

~Kerri Elizabeth~

There will be days when you pray
Dear Lord guide my way
When you surrender and say
I trust the challenges of lifes relay
When play is a series of events
Where break downs you cant prevent
Where solutions are what you invent
Where connection never ended
Where the road pointed other directions
Then one day you see the prayer you wrote
The way you kneeled and surrender spoke
Paved a way back to the note

SUNSHINE

Indents in the sand

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To fully experience life as a journey you must first embrace change.

~Kerri Elizabeth~

Adventure through the memories of your heart
Reflections of paths crossing
Pushing and pulling
Have you arrived
Or has the journey just begun
Indents in the sand
Ruffled feathers before you land
It’s in the flight your soul soars
It’s in the landing
You look up for more

Sunshine

Waterfalls

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Let go of anything that crowds the space where love grows!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

 

Indescribable alignment

Where her soul flows

Her heartbeats slow

Where pace is not a race

Where the entities of space wrap her in golden light

Where turquoise hues offers a sanctuary of internal views

It’s deciding the rubble and dust is simply the introduction

Her souls invitation, trust me

Step into the rubble

Step lightly, breath slow

A few more steps

Then a waterfall

The rubbles cleared

I’m here

Believe me

I’ve never left you

I’ve always been near

Sunshine

Everything Changes

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What you see is the foundation of the thoughts that will follow, now close your eyes after you’ve seen and feel your heart change everything.

~Kerri Elizabeth~

The depth of our thoughts often start from a scene

Until you close your eyes and feel the scene

This changes everything

Open to create changes in the scene

Allow the fleeing of thoughts to unwind

Your heart to run the motion picture inside

You are the observer and the critic of the production on your own screen

You can change anything

SUNSHINE

 

 

Part 3 “Changed Forever”

The Universe belongs to us all in abundance, the resource of all healing, understanding, unconditional love and freedom to explore more, when we are open to more, more opens to us!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

Down a dirt road…..

In a space where my wounds were opened and Mother Natures land held me and the skies enveloped me and Zak(my forever 24 year old son in heaven) confirmed his presence to show me the way.

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It was an early cold morning, a long night talking with Zak, trusting he had my back. Things were different inside me this morning and I felt like Zak had my hand.

I didn’t know what I was doing or what was about to happen, but I knew it was going to change me forever.

Just as Zak told me it would.

No words were said, an uncomfortable silence lead the morning. A story that would change my life that day arose. I roared from an inner flight or fight, everything inside, that had been bottled up, unshared, unheard and undone was ready to fight for me, finally.

I erupted from a silence inside, every emotion spilled out like a waterfall. It was spilling out of every cell of me, frustration and silence were completely uncapped, there was a break down that soon gave me ground for a break through and the universe said, “Lets DO this!”

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This is where it gets sticky, where someone else is involved and blame can be placed. However when you blame, you give away your power to shift your lesson into wisdom. I surrendered into it and let it eject from my core with the force it was demanding. It was time to shift and that meant inviting source energy to swirl me in gratitude for the moment presented.

It was about gratitude not blame, it was about standing in my truth and my power and allowing the universe to fill me with the natural emotions I was honored to experience and I was trusted to assimilate it all, so I could eventually share it.

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THEN…..My entire life felt as if it stopped, for a second, panic, I embraced it, for a second anger, I embraced it, for a second, blame, I embraced it, for a second I wandered too far into someone else’s story and needed to get back to mine.

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Ultimately it’s what is inside you that creates your view. What I saw next, was a new view, and I felt Zak say, “mom I got you”.

I looked around and the silence and serenity was one with me and all that nature offered was a part of me.

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I drove my car down the long bumpy dirt road, missing the potholes that were gracefully placed. One wrong turn of my steering wheel meant I could bottom out and rip the under carriage among other things in my car.

I had no phone service where I was and although that wasn’t a big deal to me, I knew I needed someone to be on the other line as I experienced the shock waves barreling though me.

I looked up and the dust of his truck disappeared, the engine I could no longer hear, I called and he answered, what was said next, shot me into a slow motion reality and then the phone was silent.

I was frozen in time, and I will tell you this part of the lesson is so

deep for me.

Telling one side and leaving the other side only in my journal has been something I have truly had to dig deep into before deciding. How do I tell just one part without the other, it all creates the total story, of love, loss and devastation, learning, living, creating and reinventing, or does it?

We all have a journey we must travel and for me, my journey is to stay present in my own healing because that is ultimately where I have freedom to be me, all of me! Thats where I am empowered and transformed, thats where change is made.

At the end of the day, did I live my truth, fully and without hesitation? 

Did I love with all of me?

At the end of the day, do I feel good about who I am?

Life is our experiences and what we learn from them is up to us.

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I live to the fullest and I love to the fullest. I also am hurt easily, super sensitive and I never want to hurt anyone. I’m an old soul empath and a Libra to the core, hurting anyone is the most painful thing to me and I use to own it in my own worth.

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NOT ANYMORE!

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This is one of my biggest challenges I have been doing the work on for years now. Not owning others pain, walking with them, not for them. It took me years to see this and I practice it daily, living in the present moment and asking myself, am I willing to feel it fully to heal it fully? Is it mine to heal or shall I return to sender?

I made it to the end of the dirt road carefully and took a left making it about 1/4 mile, I felt my body give way, I had no air to breathe, my chest caved in and panic and shock set in. I pulled over and went down another dirt road to cry and scream and to just let go.

I finally had service on my phone here. I called my mentor who is an energetic healer.

My panic said it all, I needed immediate energy help, I spilled out the finer details and then needed to get off the phone. I felt immediately sick and needed to scream to the heavens. I hung up and fell to the ground surrendering all of me.

I wept harder than ever on my hands and knees in the dirt and screamed to the heavens, I surrender, I don’t want anymore pain please, take me, make me, do whatever, just please no more, no more. Whatever I have to do, help me create a new path, a look outlook.

I called my mentor back and just set the phone down unable to talk. THENNNNNNNNNNN.…….. in the mountains in Utah in the hills, set nestled into the trees of a path less traveled a fighter jet flew so low and right above me I could see the details,( Utah trees where I was, were short) then another, the ground rocked, my car shook, my angel kitty took cover and I burst into tears. It was Zak, and not just one but 4 or 5 I’m still not totally sure the number but my friend said to me on the phone, its Zak. Thats Zak and if I wasn’t on the other line I’m not sure even I would believe what just happen.

In Zak’s honest engine voice, he said, ” mom what I couldn’t change on earth I can intercept from heaven, because your my mom.” I chose you to be my mom and my place as your son is never done. He continued to share with me so much more. I pulled up my boot straps and explored and wrote. This journey had just begun for me, it wasn’t just a Zak healing anymore, Zak was with me, he laid out a plan and it just kept rolling. I followed and along the way a fighter jet would confirm to me I was going the right way.

You see when Zak took his last breathe, a fight jet rocked my world as I crawled outside and laid lifeless and frozen for hours before I could move again. After he crossed over I took a long drive to my favorite place on earth. He continued to show up in fighter jets among other signs that came left and right. This one has shown up at the oddest times and places but the perfect times and places for me.

I can go on and on about Zak’s presence with me, my journey and all the signs he was so close, but this moment in perfect timing, in a fully traumatized state on my knees in the mountains of Utah in the exact second I surrendered fully, right above me, close enough to see details, he showed up to confirm to me, he intercepted my path and changed my view, exactly what I asked for at exactly the same timing.

Confirmation, we have only the power we allow!

Zak lives on and there is never a day he does not show up…………………..

Zak took me back to every space on that 40 day journey that needed restoration and a new view and we healed it all.

I am free to be ME!

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Change or Grow…. part 2

In every space the purpose is the present, be fully in it!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

Hello to you all and thank you ahead of time for reading my soul writing and I hope in someway it will inspire you.

If you are struggling with something from the present or past, a relationship, work, family, finances, loss or loneliness, anger or frustration among other emotions that fester before healed, may this shine light on at least one of these and it be healed and forgiven because it can.

Part 2 of a long journey……………

Deep in the woods of Utah, above the hot sun line where snow still laid on the ground and ice blanketed the windows in my car at night. It was early Feb. toward the end of a 40 day journey on the road through 5 states, that shifted me in ways I wasn’t prepared for but completely open for.

I knew my life was going to change the minute I decided to hit the road and leave all I knew to Mother nature’s grand healing, hugs and invitation to be open to the elements of surprise.

Zak (my son)told me to leave two months before and I resisted for reasons that were less important than healing the loss of my child. The grief was setting in deep, loss, loneliness and a depression I have never experienced (I had zero tendencies to depression and always had a smile, UNTIL….my child died).

This was an eye opener as to what a trauma of 5 constant years of watching your child suffer and not being able to find an answer and then watching him pass while holding one hand, his wife another and my youngest daughter holding his head as comfortable as she could. He literally was suffocating and struggling to breathe on his way out. Horrifying to experience.

He didn’t want to miss a moment and be so medicated and on hospice he didn’t feel life.

He felt life to the last breathe in the most painful ways, but he felt it, he didn’t resist it, he wanted life more than death and used all he was given.

This isn’t going to sound like SUNSHINE right off the bat, but please stick with me, it’s all an adventure through darkness with a light that never dies.

This is the partial story that sent me packing. Move, do something big, drastic and different or stay in the story of trauma and agony. I chose MORE! Zak was not my only struggle to get through. I was also years into a relationship that offered more lessons to me than any relationship has ever gifted me in my entire life. I won’t talk about this part for now and never in depth because it’s one side and I know, I truly and fully loved, thats all that matters here.

I can tell you this, it was one of those relationships that challenge who you are to your very core, that hold your highest highs and deepest lows.

I chose my life and who I spent it with, we don’t get to choose our consequences most often though, but we do have the opportunity to choose our actions and how we show up for our consequences.

Consequences usually include an action that is tied to or involves others lives and ideas, hence not having control over the entire picture.

We can’t change others, only ourselves, however, so often we enable others by trying to heal wounds that aren’t ours, or compare and demand fairness, whatever that is for you, and we end up enabling ourselves and missing our own lessons completely.

This part of the journey is about my own lessons and what I have been so fortunate to learn, I have no control over anything else.

I woke this particular morning knowing this day would be a different day, I had spent the entire trip writing about what I wanted in my life, how I wanted to show up for myself and what that would take for me. I honestly couldn’t make sense of much else, other than making sure I ate right and monitored my well being on the day I left, Dec. 30th.

I just knew my life was different and was about to change even more.

It had to be different and putting it into words as I write even still is difficult. I feel it all so deep, no words seem to explain it at the depth I feel it.

It was a freezing cold morning in my Buick Encore, a thought out organized cozy space inside with all I needed to travel, sleep and be comfortable wherever I was and feel safe and secure inside when I chose any off the beaten path areas. This particular space was definitely off the beaten path, in a secret off the grid magical space filled with wonder, like a fairytale. It felt surreal to me, and honestly at this point everything was surreal and not just in beautiful ways.

My kitten Angel was always with me, she went everywhere with me since she was 6 weeks old, so she loved traveling and exploring anywhere and everywhere.

The night before, Zak clearly told me as I was locked in my car, to just be calm and get my computer out. Mind you I had been off the grid and off electricity for some time now and the chances of my computer working was zero, it was cold, draining every battery I had and I hadn’t charged it in weeks. I didn’t even have a charged phone or service where I was. Zak persisted with me to open it, so I did. Sure enough when I opened it, music started playing, music I didn’t even know was on my computer and it was music I wasn’t familiar with, but it all had a purpose and a reason for me at that moment.

I listened for two solid hours and Zak told me to start writing what I was feeling.

I couldn’t write fast enough, it was flowing like lava through my fingers onto the keyboard. It was dark outside and it was cold and I was snuggled in tight with Angel in gratitude for the anxious knowing my life was about to change drastically.

I fell asleep finally, hours after the music and the writing and the constant appreciation that was pouring out of me for whatever was next.

I hit my wall of tolerance to stand in darkness any longer, I wasn’t going down depressed and I wasn’t going down as a victim to anyone, including myself.

I had control of what I wanted in my life going forward and the lighthouse was beaming non stop with light beams that ONLY pointed in the direction I was to trust without question. That included using my voice again with power and strength and trust whatever came out was exactly what was meant to.

I woke up with a new outlook, Zak had my back, he played music for 2 hours teaching me, empowering me, filling me with zest for life again, telling me it was all going to be ok, he had my back.

No matter what happened at this point I had a powerful extension of me working from another dimension. I trusted 100% Zak had it all planned and the consequences were going to be rough but they were going to be worth every second of the pain, agony, defeat, darkness, crawling and shattered torn feeling I was about to experience.

I had no idea that the consequences to my voice would be to experience the rest of the adventure alone in the mountains of Utah off the grid with no phone service suddenly, and that I would literally be in the hands of Mother Nature and God and trusting all I had manifested and opened my heart to was going to tear every wound I ever had wide open.

ZAK APPEARS IN A PHYSICAL FORM …. NEXT…. stay tuned….. this has been hard to put in writing, I originally wanted to have it to you every week, but more patience is required of myself and I am honoring it. I have to write it in parts and make sure I am grounded, in my healing, meditating and being diligent with my life going forward…..

I can tell you this much more before the next part… I am divinely placed to radically share my light to the world and I will NEVER STOP!

SUNSHINE