agonizing decisions

YOU ARE MORE

Posted on by Kerri Elizabeth

You are more than what you thought defined you!

~Kerri-Elizabeth~

I am more than the child that grew up with fight or flight emotions and feelings

An imposter lived here, a fearful, unready and unwilling part of me

In control of nothing but wanting to control everything

Living in a darkness of the world

Running into it at the same time I was running away from it

Religion captured me and gave me a safe box to live in for years

“Oh,” God is very real to me, but religion is no longer a vice 

That box got smaller as experiences got bigger and it didn’t make sense to live there anymore

I couldn’t breathe

I couldn’t talk

I couldn’t move

I couldn’t escape the judgment of what I was told I needed to do and not what my deeper self was calling me to do

I was screaming inside for years

As if I was watching myself from a distance, I observed so much confusion and pain

Filled with insecurities grounded in shame and blame that I could never do enough to erase

What I faced was the habit energy

The energy that was continually lived in fight or flight , over compensations, under compensations and so much more

While smiling and living I was also dyeing

I was raising kids while raising myself

I was married while not even understanding what that required

I lived small because small seemed bigger than what I felt capable of handling at times

I lived on others terms because I had no idea life had terms I had the power to make

I knew deep within there was more

I knew deep within I had more

I chose more of myself many times, to then allow doubt to loosen my grip

I had no idea how to break through to that next place

Disapointing others while listening to my own calling was like climbing Mt. Everest with no training

That’s when I realized it was going to mean I had to disappoint myself

It all required me to re-train myself

I had to change my story and I was going to have to reject the current narrative and disapoint myself by announcing I was more than the skin I had lived in all these years

That would seem like a milestone in gratitude to many, however it meant to me, I had to invite part of myself to move out

I had to leave behind the blame, the shame and the rejections not just of my own but from others

I now could give myself safety

I now could stand strong for me

I could say I mattered

I could say NO

I now could disapoint another to show up for myself, knowing that the disappointment was their journey and I had no business fixing it

I had to thank the space and move away, bless it for the experiences and lessons and leave it behind

It wasn’t supposed to become me, it was suppose to teach me

It did

At the exact time it was suppose to

It happened in loss

It happend in change

It happened in pain

It happened in tears

It didn’t happen with joy or laughter

It happend when I felt no hope

It happend when I was empty

When I was my most challenged

It happened in anger

In rejections

It happened in misunderstandings I had to let go of and allow the teaching of it

It happened in letting go of people I thought would never leave

It happend in the learning of how to have a relationship with my son from the heavens, instead of in the physical presence

It happened in sickness

It happened in the lowest times, the hardest times, the most doubtful times

It is still happening and I understand that these times are never to be wished away , but to be observed with new insight

To look into pain and to ache while you smile is part of life’s best and most insightful journeys to success

Happiness is a foundation that requires remodeling continually

 

Sunshine

Unbroken Wave

Posted on by Kerri Elizabeth

Gentleness and strength co-exist for good, where cruelty lives within its own anguish and storm of core weakness it must persevere to overcome.

~Kerri-Elizabeth~

Approaching the wind within a storm

In the dusk of night

An unbroken breeze blows by in a rush

Protection and honor stand near

Weakness lurks through the clouds

Roaring with counterfeit strength

Danger is uncovered

Revealed under the moon

Dusk is broken and starlights glimmer

Must a wave be broken to fall

Must brokenness be inevitable

Stars erupt within another cosmic space

Still seen with openness and grace

Gentleness is strength often mistaken for less

Where cruelty is another’s weakness at best

True kindness is organic unable to repress

Courage is fierce and needs not to impress

Must grief dive so deep it shatters open the skies

Yes, it must

It will be the shattering that inpsires your strength

It will be the grief that erupts your soul into its truest self

It will be the inevitable brokenness ravaging your heart

Before you start to see that grief is a gift you will need 

TO LIVE COURAGEOUSLY UNVEILED

Sunshine

To all my readers, it is with a grateful and full heart I thank you for supporting, reading, encouraging and becoming my dear friends over the years. Thank you to you all.

My writing is always evolving and changing as it has over the years as life changes and healing happens and challenges occur. I am always most inspired by the deepest challenges in life and write my best when life is cracking me wide open.

It is within the cracking open I have my biggest growth spurts and see deeper and deeper, showing me we are truly infinite energy with no end.

As we all know, energy can be used for good or for cruelty to ourselves and others, make no mistake their are both kinds and both cross paths and it is in that we will learn to be more alert, to find our deepest truths, tap into our believe system at a deeper level, It is not within churches or people but straight from the arms of our Creator.

Breathe in all your pain and all your grief and then breathe it out in fiercely placed courage and let it empower and strengthen your entire life and others, it is not for borrow or buy , it is not to be taken or left, it is yours always. USE IT or someone else will abuse it!

Connection

Posted on by Kerri Elizabeth

 

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An experience requires presence, presence requires connection, both dance together on a foundation of trust and truth, without one of these a gap is left to chance.

~Kerri-Elizabeth~

When paths cross 

Memories are etched in time

History is created

Lessons are learned

While the heart logs every turn

Nothing remains but an experience

In the experience we have created

Through the experience purpose is build

Among the experience shifts take place

Growth takes on new meanings

Purpose becomes more important

Loss trickles in and reminds you nothing remains

Where the heart remembers the experience you gained

Calling you to be more 

To let go of fear and failures 

To believe in your truth

To live more

To love more

To connect more

To look into life with eyes from heaven

Sunshine

In this unsettled time in life and a global distress, an awakening of emotions and connection has become clear. We want more connection, more authenticity, more of each other and less separation. We only have this moment, what is next is unknown and if this moment is left without true and trusting connection, we have chosen to be alone. For some this may be exactly what you want. For most I see an awakening for deeper connections with family and friends and ourselves. 

Connect with the joys of life, pets, family, adventure, faith, believing in oneself more, growth, learning, education and so much more….. When you lay your head down at night, are you proud of yourself for all you have shared, were you kind, loving, compassionate, truthful and did you learn something new? 

Did you treat the ones you love with an inspired attitude and love, to create the love you want in return? 

STILLNESS MOVES

Posted on by Kerri Elizabeth

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In the stillness you will hear!

~Kerri-Elizabeth~

 

It seems the stillness is where everything is found

Where movement comes alive

Where the waves crashing tell a story

Where the leaves dance and sing with glory

Where the birds soar with intension 

Where pain and joy have no tension

Where love remains throughout

It seems in the stillness is where everything is found

Where feeling is in the beat of your heart

Where your mind sinks into a rational peace 

It seems that in the stillness is where everything is found 

When your lost, be still, you will hear the whisper

Be still it is where everything is found

SUNSHINE

 

In my stillness I can feel the intensity of all that moves around me. I can feel my heart beating and my chest rising. I can almost see with inner eyes the blood flowing through me.  I can see the pain in another eyes and wonder is that the reflection of so much more to be healed within me?

Where you are calm you will hear, where you are still you will know, where you find peace, love will grow.

Your body is already speaking to you, it wants more or less of something, it may be in pain, or sickness or anger has driven a wedge between you and stillness. Sadness may be filled with joyful gestures to cover up the feeling we can’t seem to shake and loss may be settling in your bones with numbness you can’t seem to touch.

What if all of this is ok and what if all of this is the beautiful process we need to become our truest version of ourselves. What if who you are right now is exactly who you need to be ,to become who you want to be. What if every step from this space is a step forward into the acceptance, it is the process. It is the falling apart that requires us to heal.

LOVE, SUNSHINE

Raindrops

Posted on by Kerri Elizabeth
  • rain-drops

It is when you realize all attachments to emotions are like rain.

~Kerri Elizabeth~

Within every rain drop a mystery 

Power in a rain-drop creates history

Anticipation of more appears

Raindrops enter like heaven’s tears

Cleansing all thats near

How many are there

Where did they hide

Is there matter attached inside

How does condensation appear

With weather, with temperature, with the clouds near

Why don’t the clouds fall down

Does a raindrop feel the ground

Raindrops inspiring curiosity and wonder

Often joined by sunshine and thunder

Watering the earth 

Filling the lakes

Provoking inspiration through Gods grace

 

SUNSHINE

Somedays will be so hard you wonder, how and where, what and why? What is hard now , won’t seem hard later, your strength is always challenged by the coming together and falling apart of life. The rain will come, it will wash away some things and it will dam up others.

It will depend where you are standing when it rains, you must decide when the rain is talking to you and when its cleansing you. Is it moving you or is it cleansing you and how will you know?

Nature always explains everything, it is the grace of God speaking.

You may not see grace in it, you may only see fear or grief and so many other feelings of despair you just don’t want to bare.

When you stand in the grace the emotions will not be attachments but simply rain drops reminding you, you’re alive!

THE VIEW

Posted on by Kerri Elizabeth

It is during the climb where you gain strength, then at the horizon you learn, you have to go down, the peaks will vary and so will you, it is in the infinitely divine strength no wavering will be build in you.

~Kerri Elizabeth~

Over and under
Around and around
Abound, rise up, decide
Reflect your light
Time doesnt wait
Wait not for time
Change occurs
You’ll endure
You’ll fall and then stand tall
Shoulders back
Make an impact
Life is a gift
It comes and then it goes
Unwrap your soul
Free your spirit
Receive…..
Grace!

SUNSHINE

The Pace Inside

Posted on by Kerri Elizabeth

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The pace inside is based on our own courage to surrender the entangled knots inside to the stillness that knows no time or restraints!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

Perpetual perseverance
Demands its authority
Appearing through emotions
Tears overflow integrated and entangled
Happiness, sadness and surrender have no separation
Inevitable movement continues
“Stop please”, I ask, “just for a moment”
“Slow down, I dont want to miss a second”
The ocean responds, ” I am ”
SUNSHINE

There are times inside the chaos and the history of trauma and our pasts get so knotted up inside we can not feel the stillness, there is a lack of movement and oxygen.

When I get to this place I always realize I am holding my breathe, not trusting and worrying about things I can not control. Then a dilemma, when I decide and realize what I can change, often it’s not what I want to change.

This brings anxiety and it all starts to overflow and tears come like a dam that just broke. It is inevitable, emotions will move, our lives move, our bodies move, our lungs take in and let out air, movement. Our hearts beat, our blood moves, our world continues and the pace inside must find a way to courageously let go and flow with peace and stillness.

Stillness is not without movement. This is a term set out to teach one to stop and feel what is moving without additional purposeful movement, such as the heart and lungs, and our blood flowing.

Meditation and body position invite courage to surrender giving room for oxygen to change the chemistry of the emotion and anxiety to freedom.

This is a lifestyle not a quick fix…