Change or Grow

You are the extension of energy that remains and never dies, it is never lost and never achieved, you are the gift everyday I receive!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

This will be a journey to follow the next couple weekly additions…………… Sit back, grab a cup of tea and be present with me……………………..

How is everyone doing? Summer is officially here where I live and I love it. Sunshine is where I thrive most. It charges me up in every way, it’s when I am the most inspired and the most energized.

I love to adventure not just the world but my heart, what is it telling me, what does it need to grow more?

How am I serving it in the best way possible?

To adventure your heart is to adventure life, all you know is what’s there. Take another step past there and bare your curiosity and tenacity to share.

Have you ever thought about where there is for you and if you’re interested in more?

I have been stretching myself in many areas I was resistant about before, listening to what my heart says, when I am in a busy place, what does it tell me when I feel panicked, unsafe, unclear, determined, joyful and all emotions and feelings that run through me?

How is my heart interpreting that emotion or feeling? I ask my mind to support my hearts calling. To help guide me in the most efficient and healthy way possible.

I used to completely resist things that life eventually forced me into. In a grateful way I know my heart over ruled my head and gifted me the opportunity to grow beyond what I know.

Watching and experiencing someone you love suffer, either grows you or overcomes you.

This was not the life I had explored and was optimally prepared for, why would I ever prepare for tragedy to traumatize my life? Life can instantly change, and what I learned is this, it’s you ultimately that decides if you will breathe, stress, give up, give in or let go or allow the emotional holds.

An emotional hold comes from a memory, a scar, a moment in time we feel we can’t change, we dwell and deepen the caverns that pain entered by living there in memory, as if we are shackled to the walls of the trauma. Our systems are changed, our wiring re-arranged, our hearts struggle and our minds shut down, a sort of short curcuiting burns what we used to know and rebuilding is often slow. For some the shackles rust and close and darkness becomes a place where you live and windows don’t exist.

I don’t know why? Each person has the ability to fly, we all have something inside that is divine, however when the darkness is where you hide, light can not enter to find that place so divine. This is a believing your more, something other than the darkness or the light to explore, an energy field that was placed to move anything and everything you choose.

Before Zakary’s body died, I already believed he would still survive, this never waivers. Whether his body is here or not I know he is still alive. I was blessed with a lighthouse inside, I don’t know why, I just know I have it. I can see the light when darkness closes in, my lighthouse shows me the way, its always working, its always leading, its always believing, it’s set, it’s on auto, it’s me, it’s the divine light I choose to be.

Zakary had it too and so do all of my children. It’s not different than everyone else, it is your truth.

Without owning judgements or opinions, traumas and others decisions, without a stereotype, a list of what I may or might, should or shouldn’t, could or couldn’t, without a question or waiver, the light is divinely given and yours to receive. You don’t stand in line waiting to buy it, or need to wait your turn, it is yours to discern, to own, to accept, to rely, to believe, to embrace, to know, to rejoice, to grow.

The lighthouse is not your ticket out of messes or challenges, it is not the ticket to glory or the easy way. It is simply your base, your place to rest, to embrace and know when you stand in your TRUTH, that is the lighthouse that radiates light beyond the darkness you hide your truth.

I want to tell you about a moment in my life where beyond trauma and beyond pain, the lighthouse still remained.

After losing Zakary in the physical form and spending years before working so hard on knowing myself enough to let go of myself, which still takes constant work, this isn’t natural my any means yet. It’s still a foundation I build on daily.

What does it mean to know yourself and let go of yourself?

Stop trying to be more than you are right now, be who you are NOW, being present in this place is where you can let go, so energy flows and change occurs and now is never missed. When I learned this, I was able to receive a divine connection with Zak and energy started to flow so differently.

Until I accepted who I was now and quit living in when, where, how, should, shouldn’t and somehow, that blessed resistance that keeps us out of now and into later, when and if. You know, the place we question and persist into because the moment is uncomfortable and we want more NOW. The place you try to live in another’s expectation of space, time and success.

Listen to that!

I listened to the aching and crying , the deepest pain and agony of my life, my son suffering. I never wanted to accept he could die, I could not grasp that at all. I just wanted so bad to let go of the pain and be present in knowing every feeling and connecting with Zak so that I would never miss a moment in the now because I was so scared of never finding somehow.

The part of me believing he would live and the determination of a mother to fight for her child’s life with all her might was mighty and present. However, there was also another part I fought with (the darkness), what if I couldn’t find the cure, what if he left resenting me for being his mom, because I couldn’t fix it?

OMG, I can tell you there was not an emotion I didn’t feel. Somehow the depth of me was dug out with a bulldozer and filled with fear, desperation, shame, guilt, how the hell would I make it through losing a child, what did I do or not do, would I die too, would I stop breathing and my other children experience the loss of a brother and a mom?

How could I stop this downhill slide and more importantly how could I hide it from anyone, let alone my kids, that didn’t benefit from their mom losing her ground, her mind and her peace and support for them?

The lighthouse never turned off, despite the dark caverns and storms, lightening, earthquakes and tsunamis of the inner self.

Finally ,we knew, we surrendered to what our fears had to show us. It was a rocky road, face plants, arguments, space invasion, fear we drew near, loss of ourselves, a separation from now into an adrenaline rushing pain you don’t escape. You have to face it or die without ever embracing what it has to show you.

Through this we gained a silent connection that spoke louder than any words could ever come close to.

I could cry my eyes out miles away and Zak would text me and say, “mom are you ok?” I could ask a question in my mind and Zak would text me and say,”mom I can hear you.” This is just a couple of the many times we had this type of thing happen. We had many talks about the connection and our ability to hear one another even when we weren’t right by each other.

I wanted so bad to know that I would never lose this connection, whether he stayed or if he left. It became our gift to one another, a knowing and allowing to give and receive love beyond what the human body could comprehend.

He is my connection, he is my child, my extension of love, how could we not have it. Instead of surrendering into my own truth, I realized I had surrendered into the fear of religion that all of this happening wasn’t possible. That somehow there was a separation between God and all that has been created and words defined and expressed what my heart never could accept.

MY HEART KNEW MORE!

This changed everything, our worlds opened, there was no longer 4 walls dictating our destiny, our purpose, our truth. This is where years of religion and dogma disappeared, where the shackles of judgments and opinion and fear instilled into our bones was shifted.

Divine love, infinite possibilities became the path less traveled. God did not limit us to a book or a word, a feeling or a demand. God does not make us suffer or ridicule and judge us. God does not instill fear into us. God is LOVE. God is not looking down at you pointing in direct discipline and directing disease and traumas at you because you deserve it. God created us all and gave us choice, a collective participating ability to work together or not.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Example: You can raise your kids as perfect as you believe and they can still go a completely different direction. This is not God making it happen, this is Gods creation of energy flow and motion, action and reaction.

Its given as your gift to accept or resist, either choice is movement, grow or change, be present or die resisting.

You were not created with so much more than you know on accident, life is a collective responsibility and an energetic connection between us all that is not separated and is experienced through every single persons reaction and action collectively. Like it or not we are connected and what we each do affects our collective space.

When you decide to arrive in the NOW you will feel the divine connection to flow more freely into each now more and more presently, this is where you grow.

To be Continued………………………… Zak arrived AGAIN in the mountains of Utah in the biggest, no mistaking present way, where I was off the grid, no service and vulnerable to the elements of emotion and mother nature’s decisions, 16 degrees at night and ice on the inside of my car among a few other elements that make this ride one forcing me into the presence of my deepest truths.

A traumatic moment in time occurred and Zak showed up and shifted a trauma into my greatest opportunity for growth…………………………….

Part 2 …. Zak is very much alive!

SUNSHINE

Weekly Addition #5

1904-2018-09291757273024956671560376787.jpeg

 Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.

~Brene Brown~

  How do you show up for yourself daily?

Healing from anything takes times and kindness to self. I’m about to spill some serious information and things I have done this last 8 months healing from the loss of my 24-year-old son, who left this earth without any lack of suffering from Leukemia.

heartbroken-open-grief-as-a-sacred-path-to-renewal-and-rebirth-2-638

I never could have imagined in my wildest nightmares what losing a child could do to you. Brene Brown wrote that amazing quote and it’s perfect, it requires a full reorientation of just about every detail of life.

In reorienting, (I’m definitely still in the process), I consider myself to be farther at this stage than expected, for some very important reasons.

I stopped allowing other people to tell me, when, how, or what I was supposed to feel like and I took off on a road trip for 40 days and nights and intended on being inspired and I was that times a million.

It’s not the decision everyone would make. I felt like if I didn’t do something drastic and push myself I wasn’t going to get up at all one day.

The trip had emotional challenges that whooped my ever loving ass and Zak arrived in a fighter jet to confirm I was going to make it as if he planned it all. He knew when, how and the exact moment to show up and it wasn’t with anything less than IMPACT.

Being so vulnerable and so disoriented meant remote quiet areas were a must and just diving into Mother Earth’s beauty was critical, she reflected back to me the beauty I had forgotten in myself and opened creative spaces that had slammed shut.

20180125_072529-EFFECTS

The disorientation started for me the day I found out Zak had 95% cancer in his body 5 years ago and in a day all our lives were changed. Nothing was the same, NOT one thing. It was like I entered a new world and the rest was left behind.

Fast forward to the last 8 months……I  knew specific nutrition to get through the trauma I experienced. Be conscious of what you’re going through and evaluate the changes you need to get the best results.

Food Matters Recipes has some amazing recipes and information that will blow your mind, don’t tiptoe – dive in and explore the beauty of transforming your food into giving your body what it deserves.

Here are some Food Matters interviews on the subjects of healthy bodies and minds, dedicate some time to health education.

Gift yourself continual stretching and functional movement,  invest in yourself.

 

FB_IMG_1441605995296

 Allow your body the opportunity to do its best for you.  I am dedicated to this without fail and it has given me back ten-fold, DocJenFit.thinkific.com, she offers courses like The Mobility Method, The Optimal Body, and Grateful for Mobility Challenge. I do all of these but pick one and just commit to 10 mins a day! 

YOU’RE WORTH IT!

I’m sharing this because, through trauma and stressful situations, this is something you can control. I know with all my heart that if I didn’t do these things my health would be suffering greatly.

Thank your body daily for all it does for you!

You won’t escape stress, heartache and a few hard knocks, at least I don’t know anyone that has. I suppose its possible, but what a  bummer to not experience pain, how would you ever appreciate joy?

IMG_20151031_125301

Part of my life passion is to help as many people as I can into movement. Movement your face if you cant move anything else and start from the head down.

 

YOU’RE WORTH IT!

One of my other favorites you can do anywhere, anytime and since I have been doing this I have grown leaps and bounds, is the Tapping Solution,  I watched this documentary on The Tapping Solution, and it changed everything for me.

YOU’RE WORTH IT!

Releasing the less-than-positive self-chatter first is key to your healing forward. This might surprise you. I’m NOT a law of attraction fanatic, I’m an earth loving, soul driven, nature-inspired lover, of life and if anyone can make a rainbow from tears it’s me. However, in order to attract the positive, you must heal the negative, acknowledge it, face the truth and release it to make room for all you want to attract.

YOU’RE WORTH IT!

Are you walking around covering your own self-shitty talk with a mask of denial? Face it as your truth and then love yourself unconditionally forward. It’s acceptance and freedom to be empowered right where you are so you can attract what you want and have room for it to arrive.

YOU’RE WORTH IT!

Don’t let anyone tell you, “just be positive” when you don’t feel that way, we already know that part, its common sense. Having it in your face is simply the same as putting your hand up in front of someone’s face and telling them you’re not interested in their truth or authenticity, but if they put on a mask to please you, they will be fine.

Who is this fine for?

Be you in all your beautiful forms, sad, mad, angry, blissful, joyful, blessed, excited, fearful, tenacious, tender, grateful, generous and so much more. These are emotions, have them, embrace them, nurture their evolution of changing, rearranging and creating new spaces for growth.

Here’s another amazing enlighting experience for free www.jovianarchive.com/Human_Design/Why This gave me a wonderful foundation and confirmation of my strengths and weaknesses I was born with and how to work better with my personality type. I’m a manifester, one of 9% of people, this is just a small part of the genetic and energetic make up you will get to know in your chart, to help you create the best success for yourself and it’s fun and interesting.

YOU’RE WORTH IT!

It must all flow to grow!

SUNSHINE

 

Infinity says, “I never end”

1604-2018-082529925784634358110535639.jpeg

Life has been determined by humans to start and end, but infinity doesn’t end, so stand up and begin again.

~Kerri Elizabeth~

 

Do you know anyone up there

Do you ever just daydream

Staring in the sky

Wondering how and why

Do you ever just imagine you can fly

That clouds were magic carpet rides

Have you ever thought about the details in…Infinity

Infinite, never-ending

More than anything within pages or walls

How could life possibly end

When infinity says, “I’m here, there is no end”,

“You just fall down and stand up again”

While the spirit soars, infinitely

With no end

Infinity offers the opportunity to stand up and begin again

SUNSHINE

Weekly Addition #3

20170711_172915

Nutrition for this weeks Addition:

This is such a deep subject and one of my favorites. I have been creating healthier versions of everything you can imagine for years now. If you want something, there is never a need to be deprived of it in a healthier version.

Oh, I can hear the vibes already, nothing is as good as the original?

I have loved challenging that idea.

The part I always wonder is, what about how you feel after?

Is that as good as the original too?

I’m one of those over the top, you might say, health nuts, I eat mostly raw with some exceptions now and then and they are usually a version of health you wouldn’t call an exception on normal terms.

I have eaten in doses the opposite way, such as donuts, cookies with massive sugar, cotton candy, you name it. I have tried it all and for many years I was a closet eater. After a fully organic, homemade cooking day for family, I would eat a pan of brownies, ding dongs I hid in the freezer and other things, you get the hint.

I have been overweight, I know the struggle well, this is me and my youngest daughter whos 22 now and I thought she would appreciate an updated version as well.

While I ate my feelings away when no one else was looking, I’d run on the treadmill at the same time, while my 4 kids were sleeping. It helped to keep up with my fit, healthy reputation ( I thought), and hopefully, no one would ever know.

As you can see, that was impossible to hide. I can write for days on this mess I created for myself, that was before I understood the treadmill does, go backward, in many areas.

My first take on nutrition was our family health food restaurant when I was in 3-6th grade, or so, my mom might correct that, but that’s my memory. As a kid it was a blessing and a curse, everyone wanted my food and I wanted theirs. Trades went on and I was able to have my share of other foods through friends and family. I wasn’t deprived in any way, healthy options or not. I had the best of all worlds with a diversity of people in my life.

This was one of my best gifts I had growing up, was to have such diversity and choice, it taught me by experience what direction I wanted to choose for me and my family. I have always been active that was never an issue, it was committing to my own nutrition, a no-brainer most of the time. The struggle was very real between 8 pm-midnight I confess, for years. I thankfully let all that go and changed a lot of lives along the way and would love to help you.

Over my years of training the number one problem and questions, always lean on nutrition.

My favorite and most looked at and followed site is Food Matters, https://bit.ly/2qbpQUO . When I took a life coaching course in 2010 this was the first thing we were introduced to and I have been hooked and grown with them since. It’s my most shared space and I am happy to say I have joined forces with them to share more.

This nutrition story goes deep for me and it includes my son’s 5-year Leukemia journey, as well as my digestive struggle and removal of all of my large intestine (except 4 inches). How I healed with no medications and in the healthiest way possible. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s, Celiacs and Ulcerative Colitis and all signs of this are not currently found. I will share both of our stories in their own weekly addition soon.

Every penny earned when you go to join Food Matters through me will be turned back into teaching about the awareness of nutrition in cooking classes and other educational avenues, in my son Zak’s honor.

Before he left and grew a full set of wings and roared into the heavens in a fighter jet,( I am now convinced of), he made me promise to continue to live my life to the fullest and to keep sharing health and I will.

Another subject to be covered, my journey in grief and nutrition. If there is ever a time to do your best, this is it. There is no answer to grieving and it’s definitely a fingerprint to each person, but to be diligent in your nutrition is imperative in a crisis.

I appreciate you all and whether you join or not, thank you in advance for looking into it as a step toward better health.

https://www.fmtv.com/join-today-transformation?ref=kerrielizabethcawyer

My favorite morning drink is chocolate tea with steamed and foaming almond milk and then a shot of detox juice.

I have two favorites:

Fresh ginger and turmeric, 1/2 of a lemon and a green apple.

Or, two stocks celery, 1 green apple, 1 lime and 3 leaves of kale. I had this one today, mmm.. goes right to your cells and gives you a good morning boost.

20180406_090346241236880.jpg

Add these to your morning routine and changes will start to happen.

A favorite Raw foods quick recipe my clients love and never get enough of are my Rah-Raw bars.

Almond or Seed bars:FB_IMG_1407360797505

Equal parts of all things except double the nut or seed butter

Almond butter or seed butter, any kind you like.

Cacao Nibs

Cacao powder( 1 tbs. for each cup size portions of other ingredients)

Dates ( blend into a paste)

chia seeds

Sesame seeds

Shredded organic coconut(optional to roll in or add to the whole recipe)

Raw honey (optional for sweet tooths)

(coffee drinkers, this is amazing with coffee finely ground in it or rolled in it, also optional and delicious if you want spice, is a little Cayenne pepper)

If you don’t want the crunch, blend ingredients one at a time in a Vita-mix or high powered mixer, then mix together in a bowl and Roll into balls or create flat squares by rolling along a cookie sheet on wax paper and freeze to cut … Keep them in the freezer, they stay fresh and easy to eat after a couple minutes of being out.

These ingredients can take you a long way and are the core of a lot of wonderful recipes for healthy bars and cookies I’ll be sharing along the way until I have a page dedicated to it all. This is where my computer learning curb comes in, choosing a new theme and moving all of this around.( patience is definitely not natural for me, hence my meditation and simplicity desires.)

These bars are awesome quick snacks to satisfy hunger and stay healthy and keep blood sugars level on track in between meals.

Warning: don’t eat the coffee ones late if you’re sensitive to caffeine keeping you awake.

I am currently on day 5 of a 7 day cleanse… I am a regular cleanser, this is literally the key I have found to my own energy changes and restarting my system, I do a lot of different ones, this is the one I am currently doing. https://bit.ly/2IBIE7w 

Have fun and explore new nutritional ideas you can add to your household. Don’t stress about it just add or subtract one thing, it makes a difference.

And keep moving…… with Dr. Jen touching on the most important facets of functional movement and flexibility and you can do it in 10 mins. Check out her website at DocJenFit.thinkific.com, she offers courses like The Mobility Method, The Optimal Body, and Grateful for Mobility Challenge.

SUNSHINE ON YOU

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Weekly Addition

IMG_20180106_193209_577

The peaks and valleys are why you shine!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

And then…………….A quick change offered me my biggest challenge to rise from the reality of, “what was”, to “what will be”, and how to resonate again with a new perspective.

The changes and traumas whirled me around for 5 solid years, spinning me and challenging my greatest fears and failures and testing my depth and desires, not to mention my deepest intentions and truths, finances and emotional well being, to highlight a few.

I can tell you in a short version without creating a book of circumstances. The circumstances mean the world to me because I lived them, however, each person is individual.

I’m not here to tell you my way is the right way, it is a way. Sharing my techniques to healing on a daily basis, even in the middle of the traumas continues to help me heal as well.

I feel like I can start to share more deeply with you now, ask any questions you would like and feel free to share your thoughts.

This is not to say I have it all figured out.

What I have figured out is that I am enough and whole.

Action is very important and often misunderstood as just a mobile body, of course, this is true, however, the action comes in the process first of changing a thought, having a new perspective, a desire, and intent.

As important as a mobile body, a thought and emotion must be flowing in action, rather than sitting stagnant and festering toxic energy in your body. When the flow is not active it is a critically unhealthy atmosphere for healing, as we all know.

I have been in fitness and nutrition literally a lifetime, I started studying and learning long before I was a legal age to get certified. It is in my DNA to want the best for everyone and after 50+ years, for me too.

This letter is to awaken and create awareness to a weekly letter I will post in between my, “Sunshine” soul writing to share with you my favorite staples that gave me a foundation when I felt as if it wasn’t there.

Also to all the empty nesters, parents who have lost children, like me ( the heaviness and feeling lack of everything, good, bad, excruciating, painful and all the in-between) who lost literally a part of themselves, to the middle age blues playing in your head lost in the middle beautiful people, there is more!   

I love you, Sunshine

Shift

#sunshine #KerrielizabethLake tahoe

Touch your heart with your hand and feel the shift from overthinking in the mind to heart-centered gratitude and the harmony between the two will dance again!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

 

Beyond amazing how nature can offer such light without asking
How creation exists without wanting
Just perfectly accepting the flow
It’s amazing to me how free you can be
Freedom is how you see
Freedom is what you allow inside
Trusting in your own way
The heart will hear and will steer
Will you follow the voice that’s clear
Soul dancing requires courage to know when to let go
When to go slow
What pace you’re in the flow

Sunshine