grieving

Madrone View

Posted on by Kerri Elizabeth

 

madrone tree

It is within the layers all things exist and it is within the layers we learn to live among the experiences that created the strength to grow.

~Kerri-Elizabeth~

Under a shade tree where leaves are dancing with the peaceful melody of nature

Crackling through the small breeze I can hear them wrestling with one another in harmony

Madrone tree, you have won my heart in this moment

Feeling your presence offers protection

Standing with all that surrounds you in such beauty

Breathing life with your unaltered energy

Free to believe, to stand, to bend, to flow, to grow

Gratitude is running deep for the confidence you radiate so freely

Thank you for sharing 

For shading

Thank you for the cracks you so proudly show as warrior wounds of your life

Thank you for sharing space with the earth’s delicate growth around you

Thank you for the soul food

Thank you for speaking such volume

Thank you for the confidence to stand beyond any doubts

Thank you for the invitation into this sacred space, to be loved, to sit with the uncomfortable and linger in your zesty energy 

SUNSHINE

When I lost my son 3 years ago , I had no idea the roller coaster of emotions that would take over my body, mind and soul. I had no idea that even with so much love imbedded inside me that grief has its own path and respecting it, is vital. Healing occurs daily, but what I found out most in this 3rd year , that isn’t different than the prior years, I just didn’t figure it out until this year. That all pain lingers within grief, so when anything else hurts it opens the loss of my son again and again.

Maybe next year it’ll be different now that I figured that part out, but mostly what I want to share is that pain needs a place to feel freedom to fly, to soar and change and to grow and heal. All love remains even when pain shows up, however for someone looking in without the experience, it often is uncomfortable to see, to watch, to be patient in the process.

It is not something that is meant to be hurried or told to let go of or change. It is a personal process and every person is so different. Let it be, so it can see, so it can feel, let it be, so it move and not get stuck.

Pain is also a protector, something we hang on to in fear of letting go and being undone, or without, fear and pain dance a beautiful dance, awareness is a beautiful addition. You can dance with it or you can hold it so tight along with fear that you become unaware you’re not moving.

Move, create or find a space you feel free to feel, to think, to be all of who you are with all your emotions and feelings and then a new way will begin.

Beautiful and Wonderfully Made

Posted on by Kerri Elizabeth

 

unnamed (1)

When we are able to sit in the pain and in the muck of life, there is where we see what were made of!

~Kerri-Elizabeth~

To give honor and respect to another

Honor and respect must first flow through you

To build a secure foundation for oneself inside

Requires tenacity and determination

To love oneself through the highest and lowest of times

Requires oneself to experience love

Love is continually gained and lost before we understand its significance

Even then there is an unknowing

An unknowing opens up vulnerability

To stand in the muck of life and be vulnerable 

Is where we gain our best self

It is where we find what we’re made of

Where we get to see where we paid attention

Where we have gone and what we took with us

Shows up

SUNSHINE

 

I realized after I lost my 24 year old son two years ago now, that pain really is inevitable, it happens to everyone and can happen without warning. We can be in our most vulnerable place inside and something happens and splits you wide open. You weren’t ready, you weren’t prepared and the honest truth is NOTHING could prepare you.

So then what? It is there where everything in our lives that we either let go of or held on to, shows up. Every lesson and every heartache is remembered and the wounds are fresh again. However in that moment where the heart remembers the pain it also remembers the healing and how you gave that attention or not.

If you didn’t put the work in and ignored it and allowed it to heal shut without acknowledging and entering into it, it will continue to walk you through it until you do, and then it will challenge you to make sure you learned. Its inevitable!

The lesson from something profound and often something so small can trigger all the same emotions. It is simply when you can feel the chaos of the moment and stand in it with freedom you are not in the chaos of this experience anymore. Reflect on the familiarity of being here before and what was learned and how honor and love are applied

Stubborn Embrace

Posted on by Kerri Elizabeth


img_20200131_091708_5045693032326075077819.jpg

The tides roll in and they roll out, but they never come back exactly the same!

~Kerri-Elizabeth~

 

Tides change inevitably
The sun rises into a sunset

Love and pain

Do they rise and set as well

Life and death, are they lovers

Are we dyeing to live or living to die 
Resistance thrives in our stubborn embrace

Is it resistance that creates our pain

What used to be community has taken on separation
Our younger generation standing for their truth
The older generation standing for theirs
In between a generation split
WAIT!!!

Compassion has no judgements
It doesn’t split from itself
It is love, it leads and follows in harmony with our heart
It changes without judgements attached
But instead evolves with understanding

Sunshine

 

 

 

 

STILLNESS MOVES

Posted on by Kerri Elizabeth

img_20190530_123416_4375321355406423056516.jpg

In the stillness you will hear!

~Kerri-Elizabeth~

 

It seems the stillness is where everything is found

Where movement comes alive

Where the waves crashing tell a story

Where the leaves dance and sing with glory

Where the birds soar with intension 

Where pain and joy have no tension

Where love remains throughout

It seems in the stillness is where everything is found

Where feeling is in the beat of your heart

Where your mind sinks into a rational peace 

It seems that in the stillness is where everything is found 

When your lost, be still, you will hear the whisper

Be still it is where everything is found

SUNSHINE

 

In my stillness I can feel the intensity of all that moves around me. I can feel my heart beating and my chest rising. I can almost see with inner eyes the blood flowing through me.  I can see the pain in another eyes and wonder is that the reflection of so much more to be healed within me?

Where you are calm you will hear, where you are still you will know, where you find peace, love will grow.

Your body is already speaking to you, it wants more or less of something, it may be in pain, or sickness or anger has driven a wedge between you and stillness. Sadness may be filled with joyful gestures to cover up the feeling we can’t seem to shake and loss may be settling in your bones with numbness you can’t seem to touch.

What if all of this is ok and what if all of this is the beautiful process we need to become our truest version of ourselves. What if who you are right now is exactly who you need to be ,to become who you want to be. What if every step from this space is a step forward into the acceptance, it is the process. It is the falling apart that requires us to heal.

LOVE, SUNSHINE

Treasure

Posted on by Kerri Elizabeth
It is in the essence of life treasure is held and in the heart where it is felt.
Kerri-Elizabeth

Brokenness tears down walls
Freed in the midst of unjust ways
Through struggle and through doubt
Chained to pain
Drugged by societies vanity
Judgement is owned by questioned sanity
Strained by grief
Needing relief
Searching the halls for secret walls
Where is the escape route
Then brokenness lead the way
The walls perceived, were only a belief
Brokenness rumbled through every crack
The inner echoes shattered like glass
The kingdom has no walls
No halls that echo our calls
It is the freedom of creation
The divine wireless call above it all
Get back up and stand tall
The kingdom has no doors
No ceiling, no floors
It’s infinite and more
It’s every sunrise and every storm
It has no chains
Other than the ones we create in discouragement and shame
Courage and Joy
REMAIN

SUNSHINE




It has been in my deepest pains I became chained.
I found that within the walls of my own doubt, I denied myself, I built a Kingdom within that was not what Gods plan was when Grace spoke, the kingdom of God is within.
I visualized a palace, a castle per se, with brick walls and long halls, darkness at times, emptiness and isolation closed in .
I had no escape route it seemed, I didn’t even realize I had done that until one day on my morning walk with God and my dogs, I was stopped in my tracks.
With the sun shining in the morning glare everywhere, where the mist laid on my skin and the clouds remained on the horizon again.
I GOT IT!!!!!
I felt God…………. WITHIN is NOT with walls and halls, there are no bricks and mortar and bridges to cross.
Within is open like nature, full of views and the freedom to move, it is not entrapment my child with doors and corridors, it is not the perception you created to protect your fears.
It is in the wilderness of pain your joy is found, release the chains, brokenness is simply an openness to recieve.
The chains fell off and the walls fell down and the castle I built that held my grief, my anger and my doubt had no where to be stored and I ran out of rent to pay the bill for the storage unit I built.
Phillipians 1:12-26 ,Thank you Paul for your words today confirming COURAGE is without SHAME and with God I will remain!





Creation of Reflection

Posted on by Kerri Elizabeth

1112-2018-1038714301450304730820157352169.jpeg

 

In the creation of reflection is where the deepest love exhists!
~Kerri Elizabeth~

 

Photography of the heart prompts reaction

Moments can change the vision of your natural inner lens

Lines are blurred and details create unfamiliar shadows

Simplicity becomes a necessary partner

Priority naturally carries even weight without attached motive

It is the motive we assign that becomes our priority design

Motive to remain is an insanity game

Motive to change builds strength in our frame

Motive to love is where priority leans into the creation of reflection

~Sunshine~

 

I have been in constant change for most of my life, some of it my choice, some of it creations prompt for me to make choice.

Learning what priority means and that it can carry weight without motive and take you up or down depending on what you attach as motive has been nothing less than enlightening.

There are times it can feel like the easiest things to reach to are the hardest things that have created the most insanity. Growth is attached to the motive we put on priority. Priority has no rules without our input, it weighs which ever direction we step and leans in to create a design.

When love is the motive, it is attached to priority and creation of reflection is where our strength is refined.

UN-Done-NESS

Posted on by Kerri Elizabeth

lrm_export_239078643841371_20181028_1334327442601286.jpeg

Un-done-ness provides an opportunity and continuation to grow, an inevitable ever changing and re-arranging!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

 

Healing occurs in the un-done-ness

Nothing is done where healing and growth continues

Fire and winds

Inevitable change within

Detours arranged

Subconscious awaits

Un-done-ness

Whispering below the surface

Change me and rearrange me

Scatter emotional ashes like dandelion wishes in the wind

Transform weaknesses into strengths

Un-done-ness

Where epiphanies await

SUNSHINE

 

Un-done-ness is life, no matter what we figure out, where do we start and do we finish? It is all the foundation of a place you continue to grow. It is all you know, all you experience all that un-done-ness….. the beginning with no end… a continuation to evolve from every situation.

It is inevitable to change, we experience and learn from the changes or miss the opportunities it gave us in the deciding “I’ll never change, I am who I am and I’ll never change for anyone”.

It isn’t for anyone, its for everyone, we share this earthly place!

It is the resistance or control we hold (not to change)….. a resistance to inspiration we may not be able to reach or hold, a lack of worthiness inside us that holds us hostage from bravery and courage to be more than we are today.

Take a look at the world and what moves you. Being uncomfortable allows us to learn things we never would and always choosing where we think we most thrive limits our opportunities to grow.

Thriving doesn’t just happen where we feel bliss, it exists in the unknown or continuation (actually more so), in the un-done-ness, the stage to dance and the opportunity to be more than we are today, to add new steps with familiar steps and create more. Turn the music on and sing, dance and connect to the changes that re arrange us!

“NOT”, changing for anyone means YOU too!

 

 

 

 

Behind the Door

Posted on by Kerri Elizabeth

It is behind the closed door we hold more, where you must go to grow!

~Kerri Elizabeth~

Behind every door
Infused within a universe
Daring to overcome
Darkness and light sword fight
Equilibrium emerges,” I exist ”
Whispering quietly , “persevere”
Shed every tear, happiness and fear
Untangle the emotional trance
Dance
Perhaps destiny is in your hands
Possibility says
Its perfectly planned

Sunshine
Feel it to heal it!

 

It is behind our closed doors we must go to grow. In order to heal you must open the doors to the pain and rearrange the perception to change. Letting go and allowing awareness in, behind the closed doors is where healing begins.

It is the masks worn to cover our authentic selves that we must rip off, the doors unhinged and flown off, the core must be strengthened, held up, encouraged, unashamed and untamed , risk must enter in growth.

Some will approve, some will judge, some will leave you , some will love you, some will share and some will dare you, challenge you and arrive for you, and you will do the same to and for them.

Ultimately it is in the courage to reveal and unmask and be YOU that reveals  each other…

When you are in the space of an others growth cycle, you will grow too or you will stay behind the closed doors waiting, instead of arriving together.

Where there is more than one, as training in any sport, you encourage one another to arrive at the finish line even when its at different points. As long as your all training, you all will arrive.

When you close your inner doors, when your stubborn and proud of that trait you will not arrive at the same finish line or gate. It is up to the team you choose to enter into the starting gate, to train and get to the finish line together, to encourage, to share, the enlighten to be aware, to connect, to reflect, to agree, to disagree, to hurt, to laugh, to cry to deny, to learn, to grow, to continue to move and not let go of the reasons why you want your team to win.

Thank you to my Oldest daughter Brandee today for her love and sharing her own lessons in life and for inspiring  the continuation of this lesson inside of me.

SUNSHINE