Shoot from your heart it will always give you the best shot!
Introduced to the skies
Viewed from the lenses of my eyes
Shot with my heart
Melted in the leaves
Embraced by a breeze
Open to a peaceful ease
I was once fully there
Among the blooms
Looking for you
I saw you
In the bloom
I’m a human experiencing life, experiencing me.
For the last almost 2 years since my son got his wings I have completely forgotten who I am, how to breathe , smile and get super excited and why I ever worked out and was super healthy and what it did for my soul and my mind and my body.
I wish I could have chosen my feelings somedays, I know it has been said “you chose it all”, DO WE?
Well I sure the heck didn’t choose my son to have cancer and then jet off to heaven before I was ready and if you think I had the power to change grief, THINK AGAIN!
We choose what we can and then we choose how to change the emotion based on an experience. It doesn’t mean it changes, it just means our thoughts are trying to work it out and create a new perspective so we can survive and preferably thrive.
Trauma changes your cellular level, your hearts memories, your responses are not all immediate. You must train your body, muscles, nerves, thoughts and beliefs to do something different.
I used to believe, just believe it. If you believe it, you also must be able to follow up.
When my son left( that D word is just not in my vocabulary) I’m telling you that my life was sucked out of me like a fighter jet going through me at double the capacity of reality.
NOTHING seemed to be left… I was wiped OUT inside and OUT.
Im still wiped out in so many ways and Im not going to pretend I’m NOT.
What I am going to tell you is that being present in NOW , being present in the reality of where I am at is how I’m moving and healing. NOT IN where anyone else thinks , but where I know.
YOU CAN ONLY GROW FROM WHERE YOUR REALITY IS! QUIT trying to grow from someone else’s space or the space in which you think you’re supposed to be.
BE WHERE YOU ARE AND LOVE THE JOURNEY IT’S THE ONLY WAY… don’t waste time in the pretending you’re somewhere you’re not. BE where you are, that is the only route to where you want to go!
Just don’t forget their is a route and make sure you keep moving!
21 thoughts on “HEART SHOT”
Dear Kerri, So very sorry for the passing of your son!! I don’t believe there is anything harder in life than to lose a child!! A beautiful post and feeling!!
I have been fortunate to have my one and only published poems be on this subject and hope it will be a comfort to you, My Dear!!!
I love that poem…thank you for sharing that beautiful heartfelt emotional tug. I love your writing and appreciate your comments and sharing.
Live for today and future, not tomorrow, but it’s not easy. You’re amazing to be able to that Kerri.
Thank you Mel..its a blessing to be here and it’ll be a blessing when I see Zak again…either way I’m be blessed..
Hugs to you!!!
Thank you Mel!
[…] Source: HEART SHOT – Sunshine […]
Wow thank you so much for sharing my poem…your sharing Your words and caring is lovely!
Grief and the loss of someone you loved so deeply to such a disease forever changes you, you shouldn’t have to explain or apologise for grieving deeply which is the measure of your love. There is so much spirit in all of your writing. And no one can just ‘get over trauma’ it changes us at a cellular level.. its not just ‘all in our mind’ and often we don’t get to chose our feelings, only how we respond to them. In the eons of time 2 years is not very long. Heart Hugs <3
It’s not even two years until the last day of July…thank you beautfiful, your kindness and support are always appreciated and wonderful. In my grief it is unexplainable incomprehensible and often unbearable…when I feel pushed or pressured to hurry I relapse …i never explain and I never allow anyone to tell me how, when, or how long and where they believe I should or shouldnt be anymore….for awhile it was unavoidable and even though some meant well telling a mom anything other than “I’m so sorry or that hurt will never leave you but I’ll be here walking with you when you need a hand”anything else is like holding me under water and asking me to breathe…ive learned to do it my way without exception and just share along the way hoping someone may find something that touches a part of them noone else has or can because of our experience..i believe God knows exactly the perfect answer and if for some reason there still isn’t an answer at the other side, there is love snd I’m counting on our reunion.
People who grieve deeply are so often sidelined or just down right abused. I remember after my sister died some of the stupid comments. Like : she wouldn’t want you to be sad… well sadness is just sadness it just exists and for a good reason and my experience is it has its own trajectory. There is a deepening into the soul and spiritual that happens with deep grief but the fact is the pure beautiful presence of that soul you loved so deeply has now left for another plane. I don’t know all the circumstances of your son’s death but it sounds painful and like such an early death. I know your son is around you and you will see each other.. I really believe that. I speak to my sister and Mum and Dad and God father all the time. the ones I really love and miss but to lose a child well that goes even deeper. My heart feels for your heart. <3 Hugs
Zak was only 24, my only son among among my three daughters. He had a 5 year battle with acute lymphoblastic leukemia…he had a bone marrow transplant in the first round, 1 year remission and it surfaced again in tumor form…he didn’t want anymore western treatment , he was treated at VERY extreme doses since he had 95% of his body filled w cancer on day one finding out. He passed out at work was rushed to ER to have 7 blood transfusions and spend the next few year’s fighting for his life. I took every step with him. It was a long journey with trauma after trauma. His tumors finally burst from his body giving him little choice but to have enough chemo to cause tumors to downsize so not to rupture from his skin. He chose the slightest amount..every Friday….the leukemia was only in the tumors at this point….so he was fine living w them and doing all natural medicine ,CBD, acupuncture, you name it we did it….the small amount of chemo spread his cancer immediatly…. We were in a fight bigger than before….ultimatly he surrendered to try anything, study after study they poisoned his body to nothing….literally! He was called the WILD CARD he lived 4 years past what anyone gave him but it wasn’t pretty and he suffered and suffered ….it was agony watching and agony trying to save him and agony holding his hand after he made a choice to stop getting transfusions and platelets DAILY to stay alive …he left us July 30 at 3 am in his wife , me and my youngest daughters arms after waiting slowly after his body stopped working…he literally fought until he had nothing, could not move or do anything anymore. He was a warrior beyond warriors…ill never be the same!
Oh my darling what a massive battle to endure. I can only imagine the agony….heartbreaking truly truly heartbreaking 💔💔💔 and so so sad..there is the suffering of the one who suffers but when you truly love someone its almost like its happening to you. Sending you many hugs.
That’s exactly right…hugs right back.
My heart is broken.
<3 I have no adequate words. I hear and feel you.
Sometimes there is just no words…thank you for your brave beautiful empathetic heart and sharing your emotions, feelings and life in poetic journey here. Big hugs and blessing daily to your journey always!
Awww …😚💞🌷🤗 bless you darlin’
Your a blessing!