You are more than what you thought defined you!
~Kerri-Elizabeth~
I am more than the child that grew up with fight or flight emotions and feelings
An imposter lived here, a fearful, unready and unwilling part of me
In control of nothing but wanting to control everything
Living in a darkness of the world
Running into it at the same time I was running away from it
Religion captured me and gave me a safe box to live in for years
“Oh,” God is very real to me, but religion is no longer a vice
That box got smaller as experiences got bigger and it didn’t make sense to live there anymore
I couldn’t breathe
I couldn’t talk
I couldn’t move
I couldn’t escape the judgment of what I was told I needed to do and not what my deeper self was calling me to do
I was screaming inside for years
As if I was watching myself from a distance, I observed so much confusion and pain
Filled with insecurities grounded in shame and blame that I could never do enough to erase
What I faced was the habit energy
The energy that was continually lived in fight or flight , over compensations, under compensations and so much more
While smiling and living I was also dyeing
I was raising kids while raising myself
I was married while not even understanding what that required
I lived small because small seemed bigger than what I felt capable of handling at times
I lived on others terms because I had no idea life had terms I had the power to make
I knew deep within there was more
I knew deep within I had more
I chose more of myself many times, to then allow doubt to loosen my grip
I had no idea how to break through to that next place
Disapointing others while listening to my own calling was like climbing Mt. Everest with no training
That’s when I realized it was going to mean I had to disappoint myself
It all required me to re-train myself
I had to change my story and I was going to have to reject the current narrative and disapoint myself by announcing I was more than the skin I had lived in all these years
That would seem like a milestone in gratitude to many, however it meant to me, I had to invite part of myself to move out
I had to leave behind the blame, the shame and the rejections not just of my own but from others
I now could give myself safety
I now could stand strong for me
I could say I mattered
I could say NO
I now could disapoint another to show up for myself, knowing that the disappointment was their journey and I had no business fixing it
I had to thank the space and move away, bless it for the experiences and lessons and leave it behind
It wasn’t supposed to become me, it was suppose to teach me
It did
At the exact time it was suppose to
It happened in loss
It happend in change
It happened in pain
It happened in tears
It didn’t happen with joy or laughter
It happend when I felt no hope
It happend when I was empty
When I was my most challenged
It happened in anger
In rejections
It happened in misunderstandings I had to let go of and allow the teaching of it
It happened in letting go of people I thought would never leave
It happend in the learning of how to have a relationship with my son from the heavens, instead of in the physical presence
It happened in sickness
It happened in the lowest times, the hardest times, the most doubtful times
It is still happening and I understand that these times are never to be wished away , but to be observed with new insight
To look into pain and to ache while you smile is part of life’s best and most insightful journeys to success
Happiness is a foundation that requires remodeling continually
Sunshine
~Kerri-Elizabeth~
Wondering down hidden paths
Where surprise and adventure seek to heal
Sorrow and pain often revealed
Dancing with emotions under the blue sky
Taking courage by the hand , not asking why
Allowing grace to fill the space
Where words have become chatter
Quiet intension always awaits with patience
Sunshine
~Kerri-Elizabeth~
A new beginning … the choice is available daily
However ,often it is saved for the beginning of a new year
The past has fallen away as you have slept and dreamed yourself into the present
May your dreams waiting to be fulfilled have a clear path to so many grand tomorrows
Allow forgiveness to thrive within your heart with valuable insights
An invitation from the core of a happy peaceful existence meets you face to face
Honor your deepest growth and spend moments under the stars and chasing waterfalls
Let go of the “what and who was “ to see your brightest days
Often the pain of letting go comes with what we think others will feel by our changes
Growth is a choice for all and you will never please everyone and often not even the ones you intent to please most
Keep growing anyways… that’s where your strongest self is
Sunshine
~Kerri-Elizabeth~
Present in the connection
River roaring to its chosen audience
Birds performing a soul moving orchestra
Trees adding their own rhythm practiced daily with precision
While the breeze so eloquently smooths every tune into an inner song
All echoing from the majestic mountains offering a priceless concert
An invitation is not needed
A willingness to enter is
Intense scents of pine inspire your deepest senses
Sweetly journeying through every fiber of pain transforming it into gratitude
Resting freely a top one of nature’s boulder strengths
Love and connection are found
Separate and clearly joined
Birds sing to one another as if love is all that really exists
Is it…..
The sound of the river takes no space, instead joyfully takes ownership of its existence to nurture presence
It carries wounds down that never return
It erases hardship without asking
The aroma of the river and pine create a tea for you and nature to thrive upon
Each needle left upon the ground leaving a legacy of its time here
Burn marks upon the trees carry a wisdom into healing and regeneration
Sunshine
In the heat of the day
The sun pours out its radiance
Reminding me we don’t need anything to shine
Sun rays carry the breeze effortlessly
Filling my lungs to capacity
Healing me from the inside out
Creating space to shine
Nature is where harmony lives
Peace is what nature gives
Sunshine
Within calmness is an untouched space waiting to be entered.
~Kerri-Elizabeth~
Selected random thoughts swirl within the chaos of your mind
The rest waits, often Untouched and Un phased
Others Return from a sprint of perseverance
Challenge is always within
Quiet reminiscent wonder rises above the fog
Splendor will be released after the resistance we experience through change
Joy will enter when the doors to sorrow have been opened completely
It won’t be the sorrow that held you back
It will be the unwillingness to open the door and walk through
Sunshine
Gentleness and strength co-exist for good, where cruelty lives within its own anguish and storm of core weakness it must persevere to overcome.
~Kerri-Elizabeth~
Approaching the wind within a storm
In the dusk of night
An unbroken breeze blows by in a rush
Protection and honor stand near
Weakness lurks through the clouds
Roaring with counterfeit strength
Danger is uncovered
Revealed under the moon
Dusk is broken and starlights glimmer
Must a wave be broken to fall
Must brokenness be inevitable
Stars erupt within another cosmic space
Still seen with openness and grace
Gentleness is strength often mistaken for less
Where cruelty is another’s weakness at best
True kindness is organic unable to repress
Courage is fierce and needs not to impress
Must grief dive so deep it shatters open the skies
Yes, it must
It will be the shattering that inpsires your strength
It will be the grief that erupts your soul into its truest self
It will be the inevitable brokenness ravaging your heart
Before you start to see that grief is a gift you will need
TO LIVE COURAGEOUSLY UNVEILED
Sunshine
To all my readers, it is with a grateful and full heart I thank you for supporting, reading, encouraging and becoming my dear friends over the years. Thank you to you all.
My writing is always evolving and changing as it has over the years as life changes and healing happens and challenges occur. I am always most inspired by the deepest challenges in life and write my best when life is cracking me wide open.
It is within the cracking open I have my biggest growth spurts and see deeper and deeper, showing me we are truly infinite energy with no end.
As we all know, energy can be used for good or for cruelty to ourselves and others, make no mistake their are both kinds and both cross paths and it is in that we will learn to be more alert, to find our deepest truths, tap into our believe system at a deeper level, It is not within churches or people but straight from the arms of our Creator.
Breathe in all your pain and all your grief and then breathe it out in fiercely placed courage and let it empower and strengthen your entire life and others, it is not for borrow or buy , it is not to be taken or left, it is yours always. USE IT or someone else will abuse it!
It is within the layers all things exist and it is within the layers we learn to live among the experiences that created the strength to grow.
~Kerri-Elizabeth~
Under a shade tree where leaves are dancing with the peaceful melody of nature
Crackling through the small breeze I can hear them wrestling with one another in harmony
Madrone tree, you have won my heart in this moment
Feeling your presence offers protection
Standing with all that surrounds you in such beauty
Breathing life with your unaltered energy
Free to believe, to stand, to bend, to flow, to grow
Gratitude is running deep for the confidence you radiate so freely
Thank you for sharing
For shading
Thank you for the cracks you so proudly show as warrior wounds of your life
Thank you for sharing space with the earth’s delicate growth around you
Thank you for the soul food
Thank you for speaking such volume
Thank you for the confidence to stand beyond any doubts
Thank you for the invitation into this sacred space, to be loved, to sit with the uncomfortable and linger in your zesty energy
SUNSHINE
When I lost my son 3 years ago , I had no idea the roller coaster of emotions that would take over my body, mind and soul. I had no idea that even with so much love imbedded inside me that grief has its own path and respecting it, is vital. Healing occurs daily, but what I found out most in this 3rd year , that isn’t different than the prior years, I just didn’t figure it out until this year. That all pain lingers within grief, so when anything else hurts it opens the loss of my son again and again.
Maybe next year it’ll be different now that I figured that part out, but mostly what I want to share is that pain needs a place to feel freedom to fly, to soar and change and to grow and heal. All love remains even when pain shows up, however for someone looking in without the experience, it often is uncomfortable to see, to watch, to be patient in the process.
It is not something that is meant to be hurried or told to let go of or change. It is a personal process and every person is so different. Let it be, so it can see, so it can feel, let it be, so it move and not get stuck.
Pain is also a protector, something we hang on to in fear of letting go and being undone, or without, fear and pain dance a beautiful dance, awareness is a beautiful addition. You can dance with it or you can hold it so tight along with fear that you become unaware you’re not moving.
Move, create or find a space you feel free to feel, to think, to be all of who you are with all your emotions and feelings and then a new way will begin.
SONSHINE FOR YOU 