inspired
Forever and More you Soar
Zakary Ryan/forever my son 
Music is his soul
Zaks mom/Me 
Inspired by my son
“Nature you call on me with such a diligent perseverance and a sweet persistent whisper that runs through my veins and does not take no for an answer, JUST LIKE ZAK!”
~Kerri-Elizabeth~
This swim was for you my son……………October 31,2019
Happy 27 th Birthday forever having fun
No waiting
No contemplating
No wetsuit
No worries
No fears
Just courage to live
Just deep sorrow in loss
Just memories of your voice
Just knowing you’d say… “you’re crazy, thats freezing”
Just knowing you’d cheer me on, from the shore, laughing and pushing me to do more
Just knowing you’d talk about it for a lifetime
Just knowing it was a moment that created a memory, made me jump
I heard you
I saw you in the reflection of the waters face
I felt your embrace
I heard your heartbeat inside mine
I know you’re there, everywhere
I’m here too
In heaven and on earth
My only son
We’re still together
It is you, so I embrace this pain and this view
SUNSHINE
On October 31st every year I am reminded on a greater scale the life as my son here on earth is now a journey of emotions and questions and grief and sorrow and memories and heart strings that will forever be pulled and stretched.
I will never be the same, nor do I want to be. I wanted to send this out on his birthday but it has taken me this many days to do it. I write often shorter versions of my sunshine on Instagram before they hit this page. It’s often my leave a thought page at @Kerrissunshine.
Its been only two years and none of it gets easier for me, this year the pain was even deeper, reality sometimes sets in and digs a hole deeper than I can go at the time, so it waits for me. This is where swimming in any weather shakes me up, stands me straight, alarms my system, especially in the winter and gives me a much needed restart and brings me back to complete presence.
My mind, body and heart decided this year , it would be all about spending time with Zak, I couldn’t do anything if I tried unless it included Zak. So work was out and crying and swimming and getting a new tattoo on Zaks birthday has now become tradition.
Take the moments you need and make them what you need to heal, to reveal, to seal, to unveil, to really get present. TO REALLY FEEL TO HEAL!
High Alert
~Kerri-Elizabeth~
In the stirring of emotions
We must push the button, slow motion
Flow will critically alert an obstruction
Inflammation enters with a firm posture
An unforgiving imposter
With an overflow of what remains
Cut off the shackles of chains
Pain will call out, surrender and feel
Let go of what has not been revealed
Without feeling there is no healing
Stop to say no
Circulate love as a calling to your soul
Take care from within
Breathe from the deepest calling God has given
Breathe in and through the vessel that’s you
Infinite love needs room to flow through
SUNSHINE
There are moments we go and go, we go until we hurt, we reach until reaching is too far and requires a stool, then we reach more and grab a ladder to pull us farther into the reach.
Then reaching requires a reset and requires rejuvenation, healing, thought, rest, letting go, paying attention to what matters and never forget hydration.
When we alter what our body needs based on the pace of the world and the ties we have created to need and forget what honest and true value to our God given bodies require, we shorten the link to our health and our value on life and its importance.
In the process of living, breathing, nourishment and hydration, there is nourishment to your soul and your spirit that becomes deficient and in lack.
This creates vulnerability and requires immediate nourishment and care.
Let go of the requirements of people and time for a moment and look eye to eye with a ready heart to receive the most powerfully divine love, infinitely and powerfully available and never returned in void.
It is within the pain and vulnerabilities, you are being alerted to the deficiencies that require your immediate attention.
HE IS EVERYWHERE
Emotions are not road blocks, they are the hardware of your internal compass guiding you to success, malfunctioning happens in the chaos before entering presence.
~Kerri Elizabeth~
Your my wind
The sun I see
Waterfalls in front of me
Your the rumble of the earths call
Your in nature centering it all
Your the waves in the ocean
My emotions
Your my heart beating
Your the footprints I see before me
Your there
Your everywhere
I saw you fly by
Leaving me a jet-stream in the sky
Your in the crickets singing lullabies
I hear you whisper, “Momma don’t cry
Look at me, wild and free
Success momma, is a place, you’ll see
Your set free to be
No separation from the land and sea
I’m with you MY MOMMA eternally”
SUNSHINE
As some of you know and others will hear along the way, my son passed on to his new place on July 30, 2017. There is never a day I don’t talk about him and never a day I won’t. Some people don’t know what to say, others don’t know how to hear the joy in the tears when I share. So silence has been my healing space, a place where Zak meets me face to face.
Silence gives room for emotions without the interference of chaos.
The capacity to understand is beyond me, I simply ride the wave and learn as I go. Emotions take over most of the time. I used to think I had to learn to control the emotions. In my meditation and silence I agonized in thought I had to accept(which I haven’t and as of now, it not on my list of somehow) that my son is gone. Because to me what works, is believing in the signs he’s here, it’s different that’s clear. However that’s my reality and the way the movie of emotions play in the silence inspired by every wave.
Accepting another way wasn’t working for me, instead I gave in, surrendering to the silence within, visualizing emotion in space, allowing it to be, as if it was a movie in front of me telling me a story, it showed me something profound.
Its your movie, its your story, let it play, let it make sounds, let it guide your way. Surrender to the silence where the movie can play without interference of the chaos in the day. This is where the chaos stops playing and emotions can be set free to find their way successfully.
It is up to you to allow emotions to have wings, they need room to fly, to experience and thrive, they can’t grow or go if they are trapped in the chaos of our minds.
Silence is stillness within, it doesn’t have to be without movement or a physical paralysis, it is within, a decision to let go of the wings you tie down on each emotion found. Let them fly in the sky, let them be free to be, to find there flight path succefully.
SONSHINE FOR YOU 